Tuesday, January 28, 2014

A Gift

I remember that it was a very cold day…..January 29, 2008.  My kids and I checked out of the hotel and got in our cars.  We were going home, but not quite yet.  We had to first go to the hospital.  A few days earlier, the surgeon who had been a glimmer of hope for us stood in the room and with tears in his eyes, told us that there would be no more surgeries.  If strength was regained, we could try chemo again, but the reality of the situation was that outside of God intervening, his address was soon going to change to a heavenly mansion.  I went to the room where I had spent many hours and saw him lying there.  My love, my friend, my partner.  He smiled when he saw me and his eyes twinkled the way that they always would.  Then his smile faded a little bit and he told me to have the kids stay in the hall.  He told me to close the door because he had something to tell me.  My mind raced as I wondered what this could be about.  He took my hands and looked into my eyes.  He said, “I want you to get married again.  I think I was just practice so you would know it was ok to love someone and not get hurt.”  Here was this man facing the end of his time on earth and he wanted to make sure I would be ok.  To some it may seem like an awkward conversation, but it was very natural…it was us trying our best to take care of each other as long as we could.  I remember telling him that I wasn’t done loving him yet.  We went home that day and on February 3rd, 2008, he went to his heavenly home.
Here I am six years later.  For so long, I didn’t think I would ever find love again.  Then it happened.  This guy entered my life and swept my heart away.  What I thought was impossible to feel again is alive and well.  God has blessed me with someone who does his best to understand me….not an easy task, someone who supports me, someone who prays for me daily, someone who worships with me, someone who loves me and cherishes me more than I could ever imagine.  This man who I love and support…this man who makes my toes curl….this man who I can walk this life with.  I am so incredibly blessed to love and be loved by this man…..my husband…..my hero.

I received a wonderful gift that day in the hospital.  The man that I loved gave me permission to love someone else and blessed my future.  I hope that he can somehow know how grateful I am to him for the love that we shared, for the impact that he made on who I am today, and for showing me the kind of love that I deserved in my life.  I hope my husband can enjoy that gift for many years.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Do What Makes You Happy

Let’s get this out of the way right now……TAURUS FECES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Everywhere I look, there are pretty little signs that say “Do what makes you happy”.  When seeking wise counsel about a decision that needs to be made, people are told, “Do what makes you happy”.  The mindset is that it doesn’t matter what the Bible says or what you know in your heart to be right or wrong as long as you are momentarily happy, God will smile upon everything you do.  Again, I say TAURUS FECES!!  If there is a place in the Bible that tells us to do whatever makes us happy, I sure would like to see it.  God never says that the way to happiness is to do whatever you want.  He addresses many behaviors and attitudes that can cause problems if we don’t follow what he says to do.  You see, God can look past our present behavior and see the train wreck that sin will cause in our lives.  He wants to protect us. We aren’t that bright sometimes and we still choose to do whatever we want for the momentary happiness and then we blame God when our lives are a mess. 

In one of my classes, we are talking about goal setting and how you need to look at the trade-off (what will you have to give up to achieve your goal).  In the practical sense, in order for a person to reach a goal of purchasing an item, they may have to give up that extra coffee drink, trip to the movies, or new pair of shoes to have the money to reach their goal.  What is the trade-off for being “happy”?  If you have to give up your values, your integrity, your reputation, your relationships, your walk with God, to achieve happiness, can you truly say that you are happy?  If you’re really honest with yourself, you would have to admit that “happiness” isn’t worth the trade-off, especially when that brand of happiness is cheap and temporary.  It’s like settling for moldy bologna when there’s filet mignon available.

I know that this will offend those who have bought into the “do whatever makes you happy” lie and that’s ok.  I’ve learned that those who so adamantly oppose the concept that there are things that God says are right and things that God says are wrong already know the truth and have made conscious choices to ignore it and need to somehow justify it.  They are so busy chasing temporary happiness that they have forgotten what can bring them lasting joy. 


As you can probably guess, I’m not the person that you should come to for advice if all you want is someone to tell you to do whatever makes you happy.  I’m more likely to tell you to do whatever makes you holy.  That’s the only way that I can assure that you can experience true joy…..and that beats out cheap happiness every time.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

I'm Such a Loser

Maybe it’s because the stress of trying to keep up with everything at school has gotten to me.  Maybe it’s the sleepless nights that are plaguing me.  Maybe it’s because it’s the time of the year that reminds me of painful events in my past.  Maybe it’s because my husband is gone for a month and I miss him terribly.  Whatever it is, I find myself watching Biggest Loser and trying to hold back tears.  It’s makeover week and when I hear some of the comments that they make, I can hear my voice saying the same things.  A little over a year ago, I was 109 pounds heavier.  I struggled to fit in movie theater and airplane seats.  I went straight to the sales rack in clothing stores because I didn’t feel I was worth paying full price.  I often finished shopping trips in tears because I was so frustrated and depressed.  Now here I am.  I’ve gone from size 22/24 to size 8.  The problem is that I still see that fat girl when I look in the mirror.  I hold up a piece of clothing and my brain still says I can’t fit into it. Even when I put it on and it looks pretty good, I still can’t wrap my mind around it.  I’m not done yet.  I have about 25 pounds to go.  I find myself at a standstill….partly because of my own choices and partly because it’s just how the game goes.  I will break through and reach my goal…..eventually …and eventually my mind will catch up with reality and maybe I’ll come to see myself through different eyes.

The Bible in 2 Corinthians 5:717 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”  Unfortunately, we fail to recognize that and we get stuck in a place of believing that we are still the person that we were before Christ.  We hold up the mirror of our life and see failures, disappointments, and hurts.  The head knows that we have been made new, but the heart hasn’t gotten the message.  Then something happens.  Christ comes along side us and we are able to look at that reflection with Him in it and we see the truth of the situation.  We really do look good….we have been redeemed…we are loved and valued.