A Praying Waiter

I had a dream last night.  In this dream, I was going to a restaurant.  After being seated at the table, the waiter came over and did something that I wasn’t expecting.  He started praying.  It appeared that this was standard procedure in this restaurant.  He started the prayer with, “Thank you, God, for allowing me to be a server in your service.”  The rest of the prayer included asking God to bless us and our food.  He ended the prayer with, “If it’s okay with you, God, I’d like a little more time.”

I woke up thinking about the dream and the message it contained.  I believe that God was reminding me (and now you) of a couple of things.  I am a teacher.  I am employed by a school district, but I don’t work for them.  Colossians 3:23 says, Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.  I work for the Lord.  I am a teacher in His Service.  No matter what you do with your time, it should be as working for the Lord.  You may be a secretary, a pipeliner, a student, a grocery store clerk, a pastor, a stay-at-home mom, a barista, a contractor, a salesman…the list could go on forever.  Whatever it is that defines your daily activity, you are to be in service to the Lord.  You are a secretary in His service.  You are a pipeliner in His service.  You are a student in His service.  You are grocery store clerk in His service.  You are a pastor in His service.  You are a stay-at-home mom in His service.  You are a barista in His service.  You are a contractor in His service.  You are a salesman in His service. 

I am a teacher in His service.  I love my job and look forward to being with my students every day.  The thought of not getting to teach anymore makes me sad, but I know there will come a time when I will need to retire and hand the reins over to a new generation.  For now, I will do what I can to prepare young people for the next stage of their life.  There is still so much to do, so much to learn along the journey, and so many joys to experience.  It’s vital that I don’t waste the precious time that God has given me to live in His service.

I am thankful for the ways that God speaks to me….this time through a dream.  I am thankful that I can be a teacher in His service.  And if it’s ok with Him, I hope He gives me a little more time.

I'm Not Sorry

I find myself apologizing lately, but I don't know why. Maybe it's my desire to avoid conflict. It just becomes easier to apologize. Well, that needs to change. So here is a list of things that I am not sorry for.
1. I am not sorry that I have a relationship with God. I am not sorry that this relationship shapes my thoughts, actions, and how I interact with others. I am sorry for those times that I don't live up to what He expects of me. Fortunately, God is gracious and merciful to me and forgives.
2. I am not sorry for how I was raised. I grew up in a two-parent household where divorce was never considered an option. My parents created an environment of support. We had discipline and boundaries which were expresed without a raised voice or hand. It wasn't perfect. Every family has its own struggles, but I knew and still know that I have a soft place to fall. It is the kind of environment that I endeavor to create in my home. I fail at times, but it is my goal for anyone in my home to leave being better equipped to face the world. This doesn't make my upbringing better or worse than anyone else's. It is my history and I'm entitled to be thankful for it.
3. I am not sorry that I have my own values and opinions. I choose to not always share them. It's not my job to convince everyone that I'm right. I would rather have people see how those things cause me to show compassion and love rather than beat people over the head trying to get them to profess that my way of thinking is the only right way.
4. I'm not sorry for being educated. I worked very hard to earn the education that I have. That work has enabled me to have a career that I am passionate about. My choice to go this route was just that...my choice. I shouldn't have to downplay my success just because someone else made other choices...ones that were right for them.
5. I am not sorry that I chose early in my life to abstain from activities that could be harmful to my health and well-being. I've never knowingly consumed alcohol, used tobacco products,or used recreational drugs. I saw that those things would interfere with the life that I wanted and wanted no part of them. The wisdom of that decision has been reenforced many times throughout the years and I am thankful.
I guess to sum it up, I'm thankful for the life I have. I have been far from perfect and things in my life have brought me to my knees before God. That's where I belong anyway. That's where I find peace from the chaos that can surround me at times and shelter from attacks. It lets me be an extension of God to those who cross my path. No apologies. 

Only.....

“Only a boy named David.  Only a little sling.  Only a boy named David, but he could pray and sing.”  Only….I don’t like that word.  There’s a certain sense of defeat or condescension that comes with that word.  It’s almost like we are making excuses for not attempting great things.  I’m only a mom.  I’m only a teacher.  I’m only a ______.  I can’t accomplish anything.   Great things are accomplished by people who are ___________.  Just imagine what you could do if you didn’t believe in the word, “only”. 

I recently celebrated graduation with the seniors at my high school.  Every year, I choose a senior who I know may have trouble paying their fees. If the fees aren’t paid, the student isn’t able to participate in graduation exercises.  This year the recipient was called into the office, told his fees were paid and handed a cap and gown.  He asked the question, “why would someone do this for me?”  He was told it was because someone cared and wanted him to be able to celebrate his accomplishments.  I saw that student at graduation.  He didn’t know that it was me who helped him out.  The smile on his face was unforgettable.  I am so glad that I followed God’s leading with this tradition.  He will leave high school knowing that someone believed in him and cared for him.  I’m just a teacher trying to prepare kids for life.  I’m not core academics.  I’m not a coach.  Sometimes, my curriculum is viewed as blow-off classes or easy A’s. (until the second week anyway)  Beyond the sometimes seemingly insignificant things that I do in my day, God is using me to reach the hearts of kids who just need someone to care.  What I do matters because God has asked me to do it.  God takes away the word, “only”, and turns it into something amazing for His glory.

A Gift

I remember that it was a very cold day…..January 29, 2008.  My kids and I checked out of the hotel and got in our cars.  We were going home, but not quite yet.  We had to first go to the hospital.  A few days earlier, the surgeon who had been a glimmer of hope for us stood in the room and with tears in his eyes, told us that there would be no more surgeries.  If strength was regained, we could try chemo again, but the reality of the situation was that outside of God intervening, his address was soon going to change to a heavenly mansion.  I went to the room where I had spent many hours and saw him lying there.  My love, my friend, my partner.  He smiled when he saw me and his eyes twinkled the way that they always would.  Then his smile faded a little bit and he told me to have the kids stay in the hall.  He told me to close the door because he had something to tell me.  My mind raced as I wondered what this could be about.  He took my hands and looked into my eyes.  He said, “I want you to get married again.  I think I was just practice so you would know it was ok to love someone and not get hurt.”  Here was this man facing the end of his time on earth and he wanted to make sure I would be ok.  To some it may seem like an awkward conversation, but it was very natural…it was us trying our best to take care of each other as long as we could.  I remember telling him that I wasn’t done loving him yet.  We went home that day and on February 3^rd, 2008, he went to his heavenly home.

Here I am six years later.  For so long, I didn’t think I would ever find love again.  Then it happened.  This guy entered my life and swept my heart away.  What I thought was impossible to feel again is alive and well.  God has blessed me with someone who does his best to understand me….not an easy task, someone who supports me, someone who prays for me daily, someone who worships with me, someone who loves me and cherishes me more than I could ever imagine.  This man who I love and support…this man who makes my toes curl….this man who I can walk this life with.  I am so incredibly blessed to love and be loved by this man…..my husband…..my hero.

I received a wonderful gift that day in the hospital.  The man that I loved gave me permission to love someone else and blessed my future.  I hope that he can somehow know how grateful I am to him for the love that we shared, for the impact that he made on who I am today, and for showing me the kind of love that I deserved in my life.  I hope my husband can enjoy that gift for many years.

Do What Makes You Happy

Let’s get this out of the way right now……TAURUS FECES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Everywhere I look, there are pretty little signs that say “Do what makes you happy”.  When seeking wise counsel about a decision that needs to be made, people are told, “Do what makes you happy”.  The mindset is that it doesn’t matter what the Bible says or what you know in your heart to be right or wrong as long as you are momentarily happy, God will smile upon everything you do.  Again, I say TAURUS FECES!!  If there is a place in the Bible that tells us to do whatever makes us happy, I sure would like to see it.  God never says that the way to happiness is to do whatever you want.  He addresses many behaviors and attitudes that can cause problems if we don’t follow what he says to do.  You see, God can look past our present behavior and see the train wreck that sin will cause in our lives.  He wants to protect us. We aren’t that bright sometimes and we still choose to do whatever we want for the momentary happiness and then we blame God when our lives are a mess. 

In one of my classes, we are talking about goal setting and how you need to look at the trade-off (what will you have to give up to achieve your goal).  In the practical sense, in order for a person to reach a goal of purchasing an item, they may have to give up that extra coffee drink, trip to the movies, or new pair of shoes to have the money to reach their goal.  What is the trade-off for being “happy”?  If you have to give up your values, your integrity, your reputation, your relationships, your walk with God, to achieve happiness, can you truly say that you are happy?  If you’re really honest with yourself, you would have to admit that “happiness” isn’t worth the trade-off, especially when that brand of happiness is cheap and temporary.  It’s like settling for moldy bologna when there’s filet mignon available.

I know that this will offend those who have bought into the “do whatever makes you happy” lie and that’s ok.  I’ve learned that those who so adamantly oppose the concept that there are things that God says are right and things that God says are wrong already know the truth and have made conscious choices to ignore it and need to somehow justify it.  They are so busy chasing temporary happiness that they have forgotten what can bring them lasting joy. 

As you can probably guess, I’m not the person that you should come to for advice if all you want is someone to tell you to do whatever makes you happy.  I’m more likely to tell you to do whatever makes you holy.  That’s the only way that I can assure that you can experience true joy…..and that beats out cheap happiness every time.

I'm Such a Loser

Maybe it’s because the stress of trying to keep up with everything at school has gotten to me.  Maybe it’s the sleepless nights that are plaguing me.  Maybe it’s because it’s the time of the year that reminds me of painful events in my past.  Maybe it’s because my husband is gone for a month and I miss him terribly.  Whatever it is, I find myself watching Biggest Loser and trying to hold back tears.  It’s makeover week and when I hear some of the comments that they make, I can hear my voice saying the same things.  A little over a year ago, I was 109 pounds heavier.  I struggled to fit in movie theater and airplane seats.  I went straight to the sales rack in clothing stores because I didn’t feel I was worth paying full price.  I often finished shopping trips in tears because I was so frustrated and depressed.  Now here I am.  I’ve gone from size 22/24 to size 8.  The problem is that I still see that fat girl when I look in the mirror.  I hold up a piece of clothing and my brain still says I can’t fit into it. Even when I put it on and it looks pretty good, I still can’t wrap my mind around it.  I’m not done yet.  I have about 25 pounds to go.  I find myself at a standstill….partly because of my own choices and partly because it’s just how the game goes.  I will break through and reach my goal…..eventually …and eventually my mind will catch up with reality and maybe I’ll come to see myself through different eyes.

The Bible in 2 Corinthians 5:717 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”  Unfortunately, we fail to recognize that and we get stuck in a place of believing that we are still the person that we were before Christ.  We hold up the mirror of our life and see failures, disappointments, and hurts.  The head knows that we have been made new, but the heart hasn’t gotten the message.  Then something happens.  Christ comes along side us and we are able to look at that reflection with Him in it and we see the truth of the situation.  We really do look good….we have been redeemed…we are loved and valued.