"Now you know how I feel"

I need to preface this blog with an explanation.  This is not an attempt to beg for attention or make people feel or do anything more than take a look at their relationship with God.  My life is what it is.  I invest my heart, soul, and time into my students for the majority of my waking hours and use other times to work towards my master’s degree and immerse myself in the creativity of sewing.  God has not chosen to bless me with companionship and although I don’t always understand, I have learned, or should I say, I am learning to be content. 

I find myself to be invisible at times.  Hmmm…Should I use my power to do good or evil?  Ok…maybe I’m not invisible, but more overlooked.  This morning as I was thinking about this, God spoke to me and said, “Now you know how I feel.”  Ouch!  As I thought more about the situations that bother me, I recognized how I do the very same things to God.  Let me explain.

One of things that I am learning to accept is my place in a crowd.  More times than I can count, I have sat with 300 other people with empty seats around me, only to have people look at the seats, look at me, and keep walking.  While it is a place where I should feel the most connected, it has been the place that I feel it the least.  “Now you know how I feel.” How often have I looked at God and then passed Him by?  How often have I ignored His wish to be connected with me and made a conscious choice to keep walking.

There have also been times when people have told me of the great times they had together and I think that it would have been awesome to be part of that.  There are reasons that I don’t fit into their plans.  I’m too old, I’m too young, I’m too single, I don’t have the right career, …… I’m sure in their mind it makes sense.  But there also have been times that I have been told “I didn’t think to invite you along.”  “Now you know how I feel.”  How many times have I neglected to invite God to join me in my activities? Not a blatant omission, but rather just not desiring His companionship enough to even think about it.  He deserves better than that.

Another circumstance that I have faced is people intentionally keeping an activity “secret” in the fear that I might want to join them.  When someone lets it slip, a hasty and half-hearted invitation is made, but I know that is was never their intention for me to be involved.  I am somewhat amused by the attempts to cover up the fact that I wasn’t supposed to know about it.  “Now you know how I feel.”  How many times have I tried to keep something a secret from God because I didn’t want Him to spoil the fun?  I don’t think He is amused at all by my attempts. The truth of the matter is He needs to be involved and purposefully invited to everything that I do.

We are blessed with many forms of communication.  We can text, email, call, talk, write and more.  Even with all of that available, if it is one-sided, it’s not communication.  I find myself waiting, and waiting, and waiting for replies to texts, answers to emails, or for someone to pick up the phone or return a call.  What is worse is waiting for those things from someone who says they are a friend or from someone who has told me that he is “crazy about me.” There have been many times when I wait around for something that I was told would happen, and have plans be changed without the simple courtesy of telling me or they just didn’t think it was worth their trouble to let me know.  I understand the busyness of life and that there are times when a timely message isn’t possible.  If this were exception to the rule, it wouldn’t bother me, but this is a very common occurrence.  I don’t feel that my expectations are unreasonable, but I have learned to be grateful for what I can get and not expect more.  “Now you know how I feel.”  How many times have I left God waiting to spend time with me?  How many times have I consciously ignored his efforts to communicate with me because I didn’t think He was important enough?

I need to…no I must make a clear and concerted effort to include God in my everyday activities, my big moments, and make Him more than an afterthought when planning my time. I need to…no I must put effort into communicating with Him often.  I need to…no I must treat my relationship with Him as a priority not an option.  After all….that’s how I’d like to feel.