Sunday, December 30, 2012

A New Journey-Part 2


With the new year approaching, I am looking forward to new beginnings.  As I shared in a previous blog, I will be having gastric bypass surgery on February 13th.  There are some things that have to happen prior to surgery.  My liver needs to be healthy.  To accomplish this, I am required to go on a strict diet for the 2 weeks prior to surgery.  I will have 2 protein shakes (15-25 grams of protein, less than 7 grams of carbohydrates) and one meal of 4-6 ounces of protein and 1 cup of vegetables.  This should result in a loss of about 15 pounds. Finding protein shakes that meet the requirements and are palatable is somewhat challenging so I ventured out to Walmart today and bought each kind that they had that met the requirements.  I also ordered some protein broths to try out.  Over the next few weeks, I will test them out and hopefully find something that I like.  When the time comes for me to “have” to use the shakes, I should be prepared.
Another step that I took was to try to create a fail-proof environment.  After having 17 people living in the house over Christmas, there was quite a bit of food that was not weight-loss friendly.  I didn’t want it all to just go to waste, so my daughter-in-law Dani went through the cupboards, fridge, and freezer and took everything that I wasn’t supposed to eat.  There wasn’t much food left in the house, but I won’t be tempted to eat something I shouldn’t.  I also packed up my cookbook collection. There’s no sense in having them here tempting me to cook things that will interfere with me reaching my goal. 
My last step for this weekend was buying ingredients to make a couple of the recipes from the cookbook that Corey and Raissa gave me for Christmas.  It is written specifically for success after weight loss surgery.  Tomorrow I plan to prepare and puree the recipes, freeze them in ice cube trays, then store them in Ziploc bags so I have some ready meals when the time comes. 
This may seem like some drastic measures and I know that not everyone would need to do this much prep work to be successful, but I know the hard work now will pay off later.
This isn’t the end.  If you’ve read any of my blogs, you know that I try to find a lesson in everything.  When I was creating my fail-proof environment, I thought about how we need to make our spiritual environment fail-proof.  If you know that there are areas in your life that cause you to be tempted to sin, you need to do the work to remove those things when possible and have a game plan in place for when temptation arises.  Just as having food in the house that isn’t consistent with my successful weight loss, having things in my life that I know will cause me to sin doesn’t make any sense either.  Is it easy?  No.  Is it worth it?  Absolutely!!!

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Five on Friday...a little late


My five on Friday post is a couple of days late.  I’ve been busy getting things ready for the kids and grandkids to come home this week.  In addition, my mind has been trying to process recent events in this country.  Sometimes, I feel so inadequate in trying to put my thoughts and feelings into words, but I’ll try.

1.       My heart breaks for the families affected by the shooting in Connecticut.  I can’t begin to imagine the fear, grief, anger, disbelief, and anguish that is happening. 

2.       This morning, I sat in church and looked at the empty seats around me.  I can’t wait for next Sunday, when those seats will be filled with my children and grandchildren.

3.       Why is it so easy to believe and hang on to the things that people say about me that are hurtful and mean, but so difficult to accept that someone is being honest when they see beauty in me?  There are areas of my life that I live with confidence, but two conversations about things I have done wrong seem to constantly overshadow anything I do right.  I hate that.

4.       My plans for second semester are coming together.  I will miss at least 12 days of school for surgery.  I’m trying to find ways to continue to teach even though I can’t be in class.

5.       Sometimes God needs us to get out of the way so He can move.

Friday, December 7, 2012

God Answers Prayers


God always answers prayers. Maybe not the way that we expect or understand, but He always answers.  Recently, I was faced with a situation where I really wanted God to answer with a resounding, “Yes”, but He said, “No”.  I argued with Him, but He was pretty insistent.   Generally, my inclination is to analyze situations, complete with bullets and sub-points.  I have been trying to not analyze as much and instead trust God’s leading.  In this situation, I asked for that guidance and He came through with a red light.  I really don’t understand it, but have a peace about it.  God has been asking me, “How much do you trust me to provide what you need and answer your prayers in a way that you can’t begin to imagine?”  Hmmmm…good point.  Yeah, God always answers prayers. Sometimes, He says, “Yes”.  Sometimes, He says, “No”.  Sometimes, He says, “Just wait.  I have something better planned”. 

Five on Fridays


It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.  It won’t be long until the kids and grandkids start coming home.  I can’t wait to see them.  There will 17 of us staying here when we are at our peak.  I am thankful that Justin married someone local.  I’m not sure where I would put more adults.  I firmly believe that God has a sense of humor.  Who else would orchestrate placing a woman with crowd anxiety in a family like this?

I really like my job.  This week, my students made beef kabobs.  I love the looks on their faces when they taste something that they made and I know that they think it tastes awesome.

My niece and her family have been here for a few days.  It was great to see the little girl that I once knew, all grown up into a wonderful woman.

I discovered an iphone app called Paprika.  With this, I can import a recipe that I find online into a consistent recipe format.  I think I’m going to like it.

I fell asleep in the bathtub earlier tonight.  I love that feeling.

Friday, November 30, 2012

Five on Friday

     I had a nice Thanksgiving with my family.  As tradition has it, my Grandma prayed for the meal, or should I say tried.  She became emotional and the prayer was finished by someone else.  My mom asked her about it later.  Grandma said that she became emotional because this might be her last Thanksgiving.  Grandma is in relatively good health so there is no reason to worry.  It was a reminder that we aren’t promised tomorrow, so we need to cherish every minute that we have

This time of year brings back a lot of memories.  It was when Dan and I started dating. It was when we looked forward to our wedding that would be right after Christmas.  It was also when Dan’s health really got bad and there many lasts.  I am so blessed to have shared 9 years and 37 days with this man.

My Christmas tree is up.  Crystal will decorate it when she gets here in a couple of weeks. I can’t wait to have all of the kids home.  They are such incredibly awesome people.

My surgery is officially scheduled for February 13th.  I feel good about this decision.  This week, I bought a couple of pairs of jeans in smaller sizes in anticipation of what is to come……or go as the case may be.  Out of curiosity, I attempted to try them on.  They definitely did not fit.  I am looking forward to the day when I give the away because they are too big.

I love listening to Christmas music while I sew.  I sing along…..loudly….and harmonize.  

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Hot Guy in Church


I saw a very attractive man this morning.  I don’t know who he is or even his marital status.  The attractiveness that I saw wasn’t based on physical appearance or even how he interacted with other people.  The attractiveness came from how he interacted with God.  You see, during a time of worship through music, I saw a man with his hands raised toward heaven, lost in worship.  For those of you who attend churches where this is the “norm”, you might not see this as a big deal.  Although, a person worshiping this way is certainly not unusual in my church, it is also not what you would see being done by a majority of the congregation.  This area, up until the last few years, has primarily been Norwegian and German……two cultures not readily known for their expression of emotion and expression of worship is often very private.  Maybe one of the good things to come out of the population explosion here is that our boundaries are being stretched in how we experience worship.  That’s a blog for another day, though.
It’s no secret that I desire to share my life with someone.  I am tempted at times to lower my standards to accomplish that.  I am thankful for reminders like the one that I got today, that any man who isn’t sold out to God in a way that causes him to be lost in worship, isn’t a man I should be with.  That doesn’t mean that he has to express his worship the same way as the man I saw this morning, but he must have a heart that seeks God.  That’s the man who will have my attention.  That’s the man I will worship with.  


Friday, November 16, 2012

Five on Friday-11/16/12

I borrowed this idea from my niece.  My inspiration for blogs entries hasn't come as easily as I would like.  There are glimpses of beginnings, but they haven't come to fruition.  I have decided to fill in those barren times with Five on Friday words.

1.  Even on days like today when my students were really ornery, I love them and I love what I do.  

2.  The more that I talk to my students, the more I am learning that while there is drama in their lives and relationships, it is actually the adults that can't let things go.  The problem is that adults who don't know the whole story, involve themselves and cause more problems.  By the time they realize how wrong they are, the poison has been spread all over Facebook and in their little gossip circles.  The damage is done and the student is the one who has to try to overcome not only the initial situation, but now all of the collateral damage too.

3.  I don't like that the Hallmark Channel shows so many Christmas movies right now.  Boy meets girl, conflict happens, they live happily ever after.  Yeah....life isn't like that.

4.  I am really looking forward to seeing my kids and grandkids in about a month.  I miss them so much.

5.  God has made me more than good enough....even if others don't recognize that.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

A New Journey


I have decided to embark on a new journey.  It won’t be an easy one.  I am hoping that as I chronicle the adventure that I will be able to provide hope for someone with the same struggles and find people that will be encouraging while holding me accountable. This wasn’t an easy decision to make and has been in the works for several years.  I first considered it over 5 years ago and had the support of my husband.  It didn’t feel like the right time then.  With health issues becoming a concern, recognizing the limits that my choices have created, and experiencing the rudeness of people who don’t know me, I decided that now was the right time. 
In July, I attended a meeting at MedCenter One in Bismarck to begin the process of getting a gastric bypass.  I chose MedCenter One because I felt that it would be too difficult to be hospitalized in the same place that my husband had been while he was fighting cancer.  I attended the meeting alone after doing some shopping.  I have crowd anxiety issues so getting this far was a boost of confidence.  I was feeling really good….until.  I sat down to look through the materials.  I glanced up at the screen and saw that the surgeon that performed three surgeries on Dan would also be my surgeon. He had switched hospitals. This rattled me a little, but I pulled myself together and made it through the meeting.  I came home and spent a considerable amount of time filling out paperwork and making the necessary appointments.  I met with and got a referral from my primary physician, met with the psychiatrist for the required evaluation, (I passed, by the way), and planned for my appointment with the surgeon.  Three days before my appointment, I received a call.  I was told that my surgeon was no longer employed by that hospital and the appointment was cancelled.  I decided to look at my options.  MedCenter One was working on getting another surgeon certified, but they didn’t know how long that would take.  I contacted MidDakota Clinic and started the process again.  More paperwork, more medical records to be released.  On October 16th, I met with the nutritionist, nurse, financial department, and the surgeon.  I originally wanted the surgery to be in November, but everything would have to fall into place quickly.  As of today, my medical records still have not been sent to MidDakota.  In addition, because of some of the limitations following surgery, I would have to be very careful at Christmas.  I decided that I didn’t want to give up being able to play with and hold my grandchildren.  The surgery is tentatively set for February 13th.  It won’t be set for sure until my medical records are received and insurance authorizes the surgery. 
So the journey begins. The journey to a longer and healthier life.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

On Fire


As a culmination to a unit on fruits and vegetables, I assigned the groups to find a recipe for salsa that we would prepare in class.  As part of the instructions, I warned them of the perils of skin to sensitive skin contact after working with hot peppers.  Most of the recipes called for using jalapeno peppers.  A couple of groups asked if I would buy ghost peppers for them.  Ghost peppers are extremely hot.  I told the groups that I would not buy them, but if they wanted to bring them in, they could use them.  Before going into the lab, I again explained that working with peppers can bring pain and encouraged the students to use plastic gloves.  Having five sons, I know a little bit about teenage boys.  One thing that I know is that they don’t always heed advice. Another thing that I know is that they like to push the envelope.  The day after the lab, I had a conversation with one young man’s father.  He told me that on the evening before, his son had used the bathroom.  After returning to where his dad was, he began to experience a burning sensation which caused some squirming.  After a few minutes, his dad asked him what was going on.  He replied that he used the restroom and despite washing his hands several times, the skin to sensitive skin contact was causing some discomfort.  Ok, that’s not really how he said it, but you get the idea.  The next day in class another student relayed a similar story, which culminated in the young man saying, “I felt like my crotch was on fire.”  I reminded him that I had encouraged him to wear gloves, but he thought that he knew better.  The consequences were quite painful.
God has given us clear directions through His Word for how to avoid needless pain.  He knows what will happen if we choose to sin.  He wants to spare us that pain.  Unfortunately, we think we know better and we do things that go against what He has said.  Then the pain starts…..maybe not immediately, but it does start and we start squirming.  Sometimes it takes some reflection to figure out what is causing the pain and sometimes we can pinpoint the cause immediately. Hopefully, we recognize that the best choice is to follow God’s commands and not think that we know better. 
One of the young men wrote on my board, “Mrs. Holm is always right.”  We need to write on our lives, “God is always right”.

Friday, September 28, 2012

911...This is God...What is Your Emergency?


I read a post recently by a young lady who alleges that the police in her town are harassing her because they were in the alley and watched her go into her house.  I don’t know all of the details of this situation, but I am smart enough to know that no matter how flat you make a pancake, it’s got two sides. (Thank you for the visual, Dr. Phil)  This post has created a bit of the stir with people claiming that police cannot follow you for more than three blocks, (everything that I have researched says that the police can drive anywhere in their jurisdiction, even if it’s behind your car), calling police vile names and in general, displaying an attitude of disrespect. Again, I don’t know the specifics of the situation and I really don’t care to.  I doubt that me knowing or her posting on Facebook about it will solve any problem with the police.  This did get me thinking though.
The same day that this was posted, I came home after dark.  As I drove down the alley, I saw two men walking.  They were probably just walking, but because my town has attracted people that may not respect human life or have mental illnesses that challenge their ability to make good decisions, I felt a sense of fear.  I put my keys between my fingers and quickly went from my garage to my house.  I was thinking that I would have loved to have had a cop following me and watching as I entered my house.
I think God gets treated like a cop sometimes. We don’t like the rules.  We think that we know better than He does.  We act like He’s a spoil sport just out to ruin our fun.  In reality, just like the laws are put into place to protect us from ourselves and others, the “rules” that God has put into place are for the same reason.  However, we go throughout our day profaning His name.  We are disrespectful to Him with our attitudes and actions.  We badmouth Him to those within earshot.  Until………
Life happens.  We find ourselves in situations that are painful.  We get to the end of our rope.  We experience the direct result of our own sinful choices.  That’s when all of a sudden, we dial up the 911 line to God.  I do believe that God can use times of crisis to draw us near to Him, but I’ve seen more times than I can count, when life gets a little better, we forget He exists and go back to the behaviors that got us in the mess in the first place.  When things get tough again, we blame God. 
We don’t know the whole picture.  The cops that were written about in that post may have known that there had been suspicious behavior in the neighborhood and were assuring the safety of the writer.  If something had happened to that person and the police weren’t there, there would be posts about their incompetence at not being there to serve and protect.  It’s a no-win situation for the police.  When God tells us in the Bible that something is wrong, we complain or just do it anyway. If it doesn’t “feel” like He’s right there or He doesn’t do exactly what we want when things get tough, we complain about that too. 
Maybe it’s time to grow up.  Maybe it’s time for us to realize that maybe, just maybe, we don’t know everything and that God isn’t a 911 dispatcher who we only contact in an emergency and then act like that’s a relationship with Him.  

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Before and After


This morning, a single word spoken by my pastor caught my attention.  It’s not a word that I hear very often in a sermon, but I have heard it said about houses.  You see, in the past 5 years, I have had a significant amount of work done on my house.  It started with the kids removing the stucco, putting in new windows, changing the location of the front door, and putting on new siding.  The next project would be to gut the basement, take out the twirly stairs, build a staircase, remove a support column, insert an I-beam through the side of the house, reconfigure the bathroom,  and finally create an awesome living room and 2 bedrooms.  The next year brought changes to the kitchen.  This included gutting the area, removing the closet in the bedroom to make room for an island, installing new cabinets, leveling and then laying hardwood flooring, and finishing off the staircase with a beautiful banister.  I look at before and after pictures of these projects and am amazed at the talent of my children.  Watching them, especially the “foreman”, Jeramy, solve the problems that come with working on old houses and then creating something so awesome brings tears to my eyes.  That brings me back to the word that was spoken this morning.  The word was “renovate”.  As I thought about the word, I contemplated its meaning and how different it is from the word, “restore”.  I looked up the definition of these words and surmised the differences.  Restore means to put back into its original condition whereas renovate means taking something and making it better. 
I don’t see God as being in the business of restoring.  He doesn’t want us to be in our original condition.  Our original condition is sinful.  God is in the business of restoration.  He takes the person that we are and changes it to make us better than the original.  2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”  We are made like new.  Just like Jeramy is able to take an old kitchen and basement and them into something beautiful and usable, God takes our old selves and makes us into something beautiful that he can use.  Don’t pray for God to restore you.  Pray that He will renovate you!!




Sunday, September 9, 2012

More Than a Quilt


This shouldn’t come as a shock to you.  I love to quilt.  There’s just something about hunting for the perfect fabric, creating a palette of colors and patterns, designing, planning, cutting, and sewing.  There is an excitement in dropping it off at the quilters and starting a new project while waiting for that one to get done.  My quilter is amazing and we always have great chats about life, love, kids, struggles, and joys.  I take the quilt home and if I’m lucky, I’ll have the time to sew on the binding and start the process of hand sewing the finished edges.  Most of my quilts are queen-size so that’s between 1, 500 and 2,000 hand stitches to finish the project.  I admit that on more than one occasion, I have sat at the sewing machine long after my back has said to quit.  There have been times that I have stayed up way too late on a school night because I just had to finish the last few stitches. This is all great, but the quilts mean so much more.
I remember a Christmas when I was 7 or 8 and my grandma gave me a quilt that she had made.  It was pink, and soft, and contained fabric that was leftover from other things she had made.  As an adult, she made a quilt for my husband and me and subsequently, one for each of my children.  I don’t recall my mother quilting very much, but I do remember watching her sew and learning how to make clothes for my dolls.  It seems that fabric, needle and thread have always been a part of my life.  I started to quilt a little when I was college.  For a project in a Textiles class, I made a friendship quilt for my friend, Kelly.  We lost contact for many years after college, but reconnected on Facebook.  In one of our early conversations she told me that she still had the quilt and had told her children the story behind it. Most of my sewing during that time and for several years after was clothing or craft items.  I was able to fulfill a dream by designing and making my wedding dress.  Then the quilting bug hit.  I fell in love with the process and life has never been the same. 
It’s so much more than the process though.  Each quilt has a story behind it.  It may be just the fabric bringing back a memory of Dan happily going to fabric stores with me because he loved the way that my eyes would light up and then the pride that he had in me as I completed each one.  Even now, a few tears fall when I complete a quilt because I miss him so much.  Maybe it’s the quilt that I made while I was recovering from surgery.  I wasn’t supposed to go up and down stairs for 6 weeks so Dan moved my sewing machine to the living room.  I was able to complete about half of a block and then I needed a nap.  When I look at Christmas Star, I think of how much he cared for me.  Maybe it’s the flannel log cabin quilt that I made in secret for Dan and gave to him for Christmas one year.  Every stitch was worth it when I saw the joy on his face. Maybe it’s the Teal Chain made from fabric that I purchased knowing that part of the money would be used for cancer research.  Maybe it’s the jean quilt that also contains remnants of fabric that I used over the years when I made boxers and pajama pants for my kids and daughters-in-law.  Maybe it’s the True Lovers Knot quilt that I made to honor my parents for their 50th anniversary.  Maybe it's the quilts that I have made for each of my children and grandchildren, each one with the pattern and fabric chosen specifically for them.
 I think I’m at about 50 quilts now.  I hope that someday, someone will look at the quilts and know that there is a story in every stitch.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

With God's help....next time


For most of the summer, the street in front of my house has been under construction.  Not just a patch here and there, but sewer and water lines being replaced, sidewalks being replaced, etc.  This has resulted in some inconveniences like parking issues, water being shut off intermittently, noise, the house shaking due to large equipment being used-sometimes early in the morning, and a change in mail service.  The mail service has been the biggest issue for me.  Because the mail carrier can’t get to the front door, the city provided keyed boxes at the end of the street.  As with most entities in Williston right now, the USPS is experiencing high demand and limited help.  Williston is one of the very few areas that has an abundance of high paying jobs, so finding people to work in jobs that pay a “normal” salary is a real challenge.  This has meant that mail is delivered at inconsistent times.  I fully understand the challenges that are being faced and this isn’t meant as a complaint, just recognition of the situation.  Normally, this wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but it has become more than a mere inconvenience.  There are some days that I find myself needing to go to my mailbox several times before finally finding that the mail has been delivered.  I would enjoy the walk except for the fact that I have to walk down my alley.  I try to present a positive attitude about the changes that are occurring in Williston, but the fact is that safety is an issue.  I live in an area that attracts more traffic than other areas, both vehicle and foot traffic.  With that, there is also the increased possibility of individuals with less than honorable motives frequenting the area.  Walking down my alley to get the mail can cause some fear at times.  Add to that the fact that outside of work, there isn’t anyone in my life that I talk to on a regular basis.  If something were to happen, I wouldn’t be missed until I didn’t show up for work.  As you can probably guess, this can result in a little anxiety.  As the days start to shorten, the probability of me finding myself going for the mail in the dark becomes more of a reality.
Yesterday, I heard the familiar sounds of large equipment working in front of the house.  In an effort to get an idea of when the work would be completed, I ventured outside to talk to one of the workers.  This wasn’t an angry confrontation.  I just wanted an idea of what to expect.  I ended up talking to a very nice lady who worked for Knife River.  She was using a shovel to clean up the area and get it ready for the sidewalk crew.  Her coworker was running the back hoe.  During our short conversation, I learned that she was from Oregon.  She came to Williston to avoid losing her house.  Her 18 year-old daughter is still in Oregon, “keeping the home fires burning”.  She has one grandchild with another on the way.  She is also a quilter.  Because she is living in work housing, she doesn’t have the luxury of enjoying her hobby and was disappointed that she hadn’t been able to make a quilt for the soon to be grandchild.  She misses her children and grandchildren terribly, but because she works 6 days a week, seeing them is not an option.  I went back into my house…the house that I own…the house that holds all of my stuff….and went to enjoy my hobby of quilting.  I found myself very grateful for what I have…even with the inconveniences that have come about.  I also thought about how much this woman and I have in common.  I miss my kids and grandkids terribly and hope for the times that busyness of life slows down enough for us to spend time together, by phone, Skype, or in person.  We both have a hobby that we really enjoy. We’re both women just doing the best that we can in the situations we find ourselves.  I wish now that I had asked her name and maybe offered an occasional respite from her work housing environment.  With God’s grace, I might have even offered to let her use my sewing room so she could, maybe just for a few moments, experience a little normalcy. (Those who know me, know that I don’t let ANYONE touch my sewing equipment =)  )  I think I really missed the boat on this one.  I could have been a real blessing to this woman but I let the opportunity slip away.  I will pray for her and hope that she will cross paths with people who can be a blessing to her.  Maybe next time, I’ll do better.

Friday, August 24, 2012

It's a Facebook Kind of Thing


A friend recently told me, “I haven’t called lately because I’ve been keeping up with what’s happening in your life by looking at Facebook.”  Hmmmm…I’m really not one to broadcast my every move.  You probably won’t know what I eat for every meal, what time I go to bed or the daily happenings in my life.  Yes, there are times that I will post about my struggles and joys, but I prefer to share the humor that I see around me or insights that life has taught me.  I really don’t think that reading my Facebook posts can really clue you in to who I am and what my life is about.  To gain that, you need to spend time with me and have conversations with me. 
Going to church is like Facebook sometimes.  It’s a great experience and you can learn about who God is from each week’s selected scriptures.  You can spend a little time talking to Him, but it’s not a real relationship with Him if it stops there.  It takes spending time with Him….having real conversations with Him on a consistent and continuous basis.  No, limiting your engagement with God to an hour or so a week isn’t a relationship with Him any more than occasionally looking at someone’s Facebook wall counts as a real relationship.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Letting go...again


Once again, I am faced with letting go.  This time it’s letting go of a friend that I have come to love and care for.  This friendship has been a great source of support and encouragement for me, but because of circumstances that have come about in his life, we can no longer engage in a friendship.  I don’t like letting go and I will miss him terribly.  As badly as this hurts right now, I know that it is the way that it has to be. 
In our walk with God, He requires that we let go of things.  In order to have the kind of relationship with Him that He wants, there are things that we have to give up.  There are things throughout the Bible that God is very clear about us not doing, but there are also times that He requires things that are specific to each of us.  He may ask us to let go of relationships.  He may ask us to let go of dreams.  He may ask us to let go of things that aren’t seen as sinful, but are somehow hampering our relationship with Him.  I think that those are the hardest to understand.  It doesn’t always make sense to us.  It does to God though. He can see the big picture and knows what is best.  We have to learn to trust Him and follow His leading….even when it doesn’t make sense….even when it hurts.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Out of order

Many of my posts lately have been about my “adventure” in finding love.  You see…once upon a time, I was married to a wonderful man.  He passed away 9 years and 37 days after we were married…..much too soon.  On the day that we came home from the hospital for the last time, he asked that the kids stay in the hallway while he talked to me.  In a very matter of fact manner, he told me that he wanted me to get married again.  Talk about an awkward conversation.  But that’s who he was.  Even at the end he was thinking about me and caring about me.  A couple of days later, he became very serious and said that he needed to tell me something.  I had no idea what to expect.  He proceeded to tell me that I was supposed to buy a new washer because the one that we had was old and used too much electricity.  What????  That’s what he was concerned about????  Yep…that’s just who he was.  About a week or two after Dan passed away, I decided to honor his wish and went to get a new washer and dryer.  As I wrote the check, I started to cry…not a silent tear rolling down my cheek, but an all-out breathless, shoulder shaking cry.  I tried the best that I could to explain myself to the obviously uncomfortable salesman, but I’m pretty sure he had no idea what I was saying.  The washer and dryer are sitting in my basement and I am reminded every time I use them of the incredible man that my husband was.
Getting married again is an entirely different story. If you have read my other posts, you already know that my experiences with men over the last four years has been less than favorable.  I have been told that I’m not pretty enough to be seen in public with, not thin enough, good enough until someone better comes along, that no godly man would ever want me because I had an intimate relationship with my husband, should forsake all memories of my husband and kids, need to not have boundaries, not spiritual enough, too high maintenance, not exciting enough, and my personal favorite..."I decided I'm gay"…..the list goes on. What this all boils down to is that it is becoming clear to me that God intends for me to travel this journey alone.  I don’t like it and I don’t understand it, but He doesn’t ask me to.  He asks me to live it. So, that is what I will do.  I am hanging an “out of order” sign on my heart and concentrating my time and energy in other directions.  Wish me luck.  =)

Friday, July 27, 2012

The Backyard of the Heart


I had the need to drive down an alley today.  I found it quite interesting.  Several backyards were fenced in so no one could see.  Others had fences that still allowed the view. Others had no fence at all.  What I found most interesting was how the backyards looked.  I have driven in front of the houses many times and for the most part they appear to be well maintained.  The lawn is mowed, everything looks fine.  Then there is the backyard.  Not many people will see that part of the property.  For that reason, there are some that will neglect it.  It might need mowing or only have patches of grass among the weeds.  There may be junk thrown about.  On the other hand, the backyard might be a surprise….a relaxing oasis from the stress of the day, or a place where a family can enjoy time together. 
I wondered about these backyards and how they might mirror our hearts.  Sometimes things look great from the outside, but that isn’t a true reflection of what is going on in the heart.  Like a backyard that has been neglected, we let our lives get overgrown with things that aren’t very beneficial and only have patches here and there of things that cause us to grow in God.  A nice backyard doesn’t just happen.  It takes attention and purposeful effort.  Likewise, in order to have a growing relationship with God and others, we need to make an effort.  That means more than a 30 second devotional as we hurry through our day, or a less than heartfelt prayer when we have expectations of God.  It’s making time with Him a priority whether that is in the time we spend with Him privately or joining others in worship. 
There are times that our backyard condition is less about neglect and more about the junk that we throw about.  There are attitudes and actions that God specifically says to stay away from.  Purposely engaging in those things is like throwing junk around the backyard. It creates an environment that results in not only you, but others getting hurt.  More importantly, if what you are doing is in direct violation of what God expects, that junk can hinder someone from coming to Him.
I like the backyard oasis.  The heart that is a reflection of the fact that God is a priority.  The life that is sold out to what God wants.  The actions and attitudes that cultivate a growing relationship with Him.  The environment that draws others to Him.
Maybe it’s time to do some weeding, get rid of some junk, or spend some time making the heart match what we portray on the outside.  

Saturday, July 14, 2012

It All Gets You Clean


Because the master bedroom has been going through improvements lately, I have moved into a guest room in the basement of my house.  This has also meant that I am primarily using the guest bathroom.  Today while readying myself for the day, I took a look at some of the things that had been left by previous guests.  I have 6 children, 5 daughters-in-law, and 7 grandchildren.  From time to time, they find themselves at home and taking up residence for a few days in the “guest” rooms and bathroom.  In addition, when weather is an issue or her work schedule is taxing, my sister will also stay with me.  Apparently, they also tend to forget to take some of their products with them.  As I looked at the items in the shower this morning, I found 4 bottles of shampoo, 5 different kinds of body wash, 1 bottle of conditioner, 1 bottle of baby shampoo, and 1 bottle of Dawn dish soap.  Out of all of these products, only 2 of them were for my use.  I looked at the other ones and noticed something that they all had in common.  They were all used for getting the body clean.  You may be wondering about the Dawn dish soap, but if you have a member of the family who works in the oil industry, you would understand.  Other than that primary function, each of the products was different.  Some were designed to do things like add extra body or control frizz.  The body washes were an assortment of scents, some feminine, some masculine, and some neutral.  There were products that cost a little bit more money and products that were purchased with economy in mind.  Each individual or family had their own preferences for how to get clean. 
John 14:6 says, “I am the way and the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.”  Yes, Christ is the only way to the Father, but we experience our journey to and in Christ in different ways.  Some people find their way at a very young age through the teaching and example of a Sunday School teacher.  Some people find their way during a youth camp.  Some people feel God speaking to them in a church service.  Some people see Christ in a friend’s life and it causes them to seek Him.  However it comes about is not the issue. The focus is that they accepted Christ as their personal savior and are living according to His word.  In addition, Christians don’t leave their personalities at the altar.  While there may be characteristics about us that God molds and shapes into more of His likeness, we are still individuals and have different views of how best to connect with God and fellow believers.  Whether it’s a mega church, a small country church, or everything in between, as long as what is being taught is in accordance to God’s word, it’s merely a matter of preference.  It doesn’t matter if the music is traditional hymns or contemporary praise as long as it serves to bring honor and glory to God and draw His people into worship.  A congregation might be vocal or they might be quiet.  Neither one is a definite indicator of spiritual health. What it comes down to is how we as Christians bring honor to God while drawing others to Him.  The rest of it is just different brands of shampoo.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Apple Seeds


This morning, while waiting for a store to open, I decided to grab a cold coffee drink.  I saw a familiar face and spent a few minutes chatting with the lead pastor of New Hope Wesleyan Church, Mike Skor.  He was waiting for a couple of the other pastors to have a creative arts meeting.  Pretty soon, Shaun Breiland and Matt Beck showed up.  Shaun mentioned that he was in need of someone to do some texturing in his basement.  It just so happened that there was a guy texturing at my house today.  We used an app called Bump to transfer the contact information from my iphone to his iphone.  As the pastors prepared for their meeting, they fired up a MacBook, a MacBook Pro, and an iPad.  They also all had their iphones on.  A man sitting nearby commented that they must work in ministry because of all the Apple products present.  Pastor Mike engaged in conversation with the man confirming his observation and inviting him to church. 
Matthew 7:20 says, “Thus, by their fruit, you will recognize them.”  A man who was new to town “just happened” to be in the coffee shop on a Tuesday morning when there was a creative arts meeting involving some Apple fans.  The fact that these men of God were using Apple products resulted in conversation about God.  I don’t know if this man had a relationship with God, but I do know that a seed was planted this morning and the results may make a difference in eternity for this man and for others that he may meet along his life journey.
Although some may espouse that Apple products are an indicator of spiritual health, the reality is that they really aren’t.  I’m sorry guys.  The truth of the matter is that God used something that many would consider just a personal preference in technology to start communication that could bring people to Him. That’s pretty powerful.  As Christians, it is so important to understand that everything we are, every word we speak, every decision we make, every reaction that we have, has the power to affect eternity.  God can use anything about us to plant seeds…..like Apple seeds.

Monday, July 9, 2012

I'm moving......

my Cook Until He Says "Well Done" blog posts to this blog. =)  You can find them as "older posts".

God and the Baaken-Part 2


My previous post talked about people coming to the Baaken to find hope.  I can’t begin to imagine the hurt that many of these individuals feel having to leave their families, the comfort of their homes, and their support systems to start this journey.  It takes an incredible amount of strength to venture into the unknown and hope that it works because it’s your last shot.  I wish I could say that this community has been an example of how to be welcoming and accepting, but some of the things that I have seen posted on Facebook, written in the paper, and shared on online message boards have made me embarrassed to be from Williston, ND.  Are we in a position where building can’t keep up with demand?  Yes.  Are we in a position where the amount and type of traffic is hard on the roads? Yes.  Have we seen an increase in crime? Yes, although statistically, the amount of crime has not increased.  Do you need to plan your routes a little more carefully to accommodate for traffic?  Yes.  Can you go to WalMart and expect to find what you need and get out of there quickly?  Probably not.  The community is definitely experiencing growing pains. I am thankful for the leadership that is in place to help us through it. 
It’s very easy to fall into the trap of complaining about what is going on in the community and I have been guilty of it myself.  I try to keep it in check and stay positive.  After all, if standing in line longer than I have had to in the past is the worst thing that happens in my day, I’ll probably be ok.  Instead of lamenting over the fact, how about using it as an opportunity to be friendly and get to know someone new.  Let God speak to how He can use you to be welcoming.  If you aren’t in the Baaken, look for those opportunities where you are.
The Christian community has often been the Baaken.  God wants to do a mighty work in the lives of people and we waste time complaining about trivial things. Instead of fighting for souls, we fight about the color of paint on the walls.  Instead of coming together in worship, we complain about the song choices.  Instead of seeing a person crying out to God for forgiveness, we judge them for being at the altar again.  Instead of reaching out to the hurting, we expect them to be over the hurt because in our minds enough time has passed.  The Bible never changes.  God never changes.  The church changes because the needs in and around it change.  We have a choice.  We can sit back and complain about all the things that we don’t understand or we can trust that God has anointed people to lead us to a place where we epitomize His grace and forgiveness.  Step out of your comfort zone and ask God how He wants you to be the church.  Welcome people into the body of Christ.  They are looking for hope, but they won’t find it if all you do is complain.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

God and the Baaken-Part 1


I live in a town that is very different from many towns these days. People from all over the country have flocked here to find work.  Housing is scarce right now.  It just can’t be built fast enough.  There are an estimated 40,000 men in the area living in housing called “man camps”.  Campers, cars, and hotels have become a place to call home.  It is not unusual for men to show up with their belongings in a backpack, their last dollars in their pocket, and the hope that they will find a job before those last dollars are gone.  A majority of these men have come without their families.  They work long hours for many days in a row.  What has drawn so many men here in the last couple of years?  What is it about Williston, ND that is different from most of the rest of the country?  Oil!  The oil industry is not new to Western North Dakota. The first well was drilled in 1951.  However, new ways of extracting the oil have been developed causing a present-day “gold rush”. 
What is actually drawing people to the area is hope.  While most of the rest of the country is struggling financially, there is money to be made here.  Families see a glimmer of hope to save their homes, feed their children, and regain a sense of security.  
What if we approached God like that?  To be anything but in the center of His will results in us being in desperation mode, even if we don’t realize it.  It is only when we see that desperation that we can start to have hope.  It doesn’t solve anything to sit in a house that is going into foreclosure, knowing that North Dakota can offer solutions. Likewise, recognizing our desperation for hope and not accepting the solutions from God doesn’t do anything either.  It is only when we leave our hopelessness and give our lives to God that our hearts can prosper.  If you are in that place of desperation, before you take another breath, receive the gift of hope that God has offered to you.  It is worth far, far more than the oil in the Baaken.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Defining and Refining.....Not Pretending

When someone uses a word or phrase to describe me or says that a word or phrase definitely doesn’t describe me, my practice is to take the time to evaluate myself and determine if the description is accurate.  Then, if it is accurate, is it something that I need to allow God to work in my life about. There have been some very challenging and hurtful descriptions made of me in the past few months.  I have been described as being selfish, self-centered, and thinking only of myself.  I took a considerable amount of time addressing those characteristics and hope that at some level I have been able to correct those flaws in my character.  It has come with a cost, both in giving up activities that I enjoyed including writing this blog for a while and redefining relationships that I had.  I have tried to make a concerted effort to sway any focus away from me and although I haven’t always been successful, I have tried.  Be assured that whatever is happening, I am always trying to discern if my words and actions would cause me to be seen in this way.  
Last night, during a discussion with a friend, another word was used, only this time it was clearly established that this word did not describe me.  The word was “coy”.  I had a fairly good idea of what the word meant, but if I was going to evaluate who I was, I needed a clear definition.  The Bible should be the first step in defining character, but I wasn’t able to find the definition there, so I went to the second step….Google.  This is one of the definitions.  “Making a pretense of shyness or modesty that is intended to be alluring but is often regarded as irritating.”  I have to admit that I had a LOL moment.  He was spot on in his assessment.  I am not coy.  So, I began the evaluation process.
I’m not very good at playing games, especially when it comes to men.  I have learned to be independent.  I don’t need rescuing.  (Although, it would be nice to have someone that could change the two light bulbs that I can’t reach)  I’m not a woman who will pretend to be incompetent or stupid just to stroke a man’s ego.  That may be a strike against me in my desire to share my life with someone, but I’d rather be real and alone than pretending to be something that I’m not just to be with someone who will never really know me.  More than that, I think a major reason that the word “coy wasn’t used to describe me is based on this word in the definition…pretense.  You see, God made me who I am.  There is a continual refining of character, but the underlying personality traits are by His design. I should probably wear a warning label that says, “Don’t ask me questions that you don’t want the answer to.” I do my best to temper my response with grace and mercy, but I’m going to give it to you straight. I don’t believe in wasting time trying to guess about things that could have been communicated easily.  In addition, if you ask me to help in shaping your actions and attitudes to conform to those of Christ, I will do that as God leads me.  You should expect nothing less from someone who cares about you. 
Because it is my desire to share my life with someone, I am sometimes tempted to change who God made me to be in order to make that happen.  What I have learned is that “pretense” is really lying and not a good foundation for a relationship.  Dr. Phil put it this way.  "Any relationship where you stop being all of who you are in order to be half of a couple, the price is too high.”  I guess for me, what it boils down to is this.  If a man is looking for arm candy, he needs to keep looking. If a man is looking for a woman who pretends to be weak in order to make him feel strong, he needs to keep looking.  If a man is looking for a woman who will only tell him what he wants to hear and not what he needs to hear, he needs to keep looking.  However, if a man looks for beauty with his heart and not with just his eyes, he has the kind of character that will give strength to a relationship.  If a man is looking for a woman who really is weak sometimes and needs a strong shoulder to lean on, I’m that woman. If a man is looking for a woman who will be honest with him even when it’s not the most comfortable thing to do, I’m that woman.  If a man is looking for a woman who will strive for a better relationship with God and will help him to do the same, I’m that woman.  If a man is looking for a relationship that is grounded in faith, continually growing in love, mercy, and grace, and alive with passion, I am believing in the hope that God will put it in his heart to either look for me or perhaps not overlook me.  Whatever, the outcome, I must be true to the person that God made and is making me to be….not pretending to be otherwise.

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Really, God?

I don’t think anyone wants to feel like they are being used, but maybe they should.  Over the years, I have found myself in situations where I felt used.  The biggest example of this was my marriage.  Don’t get me wrong.  I had a great marriage and loved Dan very much.  I know that he loved me very much and was proud to be my husband.  With my marriage to Dan, I was blessed to also be a parent to six amazing kids.  I don’t know how mothers who give birth to their children do it.  I can’t imagine loving kids more than I do the ones that God blessed me with.  However, as much we loved the kids, Dan and I were looking forward to a time when the kids were grown and we could enjoy our time together alone without the responsibilities of parenting teenagers.  At the beginning of December 2007, the last of the kids ventured out on their own to find their path in the world.  Shortly after, the cancer that we had hoped Dan had been healed of returned and two months and two surgeries later, Dan changed his address to heaven.  God had used me to help bring the children to adulthood and just when I thought that God would bless me with time to concentrate on my husband, he was gone. It seems that this has become a recurring theme and now most recently, I have found myself being used again.  I have met a man whose life experiences are similar to my own in many respects.  In ways that I haven’t experienced before, God has used me to speak to him.  Last night, God spoke to me that I was being used to prepare this man for his bride.  This was difficult for me to understand, and I wanted to ask, “Really God? Again, I am being used?”.  Well, of course, I am, because that’s how God works.  Maybe, somewhere in God’s plan, I will be blessed beyond being used.  I don’t know what His ideas are.  It’s not my job to know.  It’s my job to listen and be used.  

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Helping to Write the Next Chapter

On a recent trip, I bought an audio book to listen to while I drove. I got very interested in the book, but eventually made it home and had to stop listening.  I headed to the sewing room yesterday and decided to continue listening to the book.  Unfortunately, iTunes had not kept track of where I was at in the book and I was left to try to figure it out.  I started close to where I thought I had left off, but it didn’t make sense.  It seems that I missed part of the story.  Life is like that too.
From the time we are born, our story is being written. The other people that we encounter become the characters, our circumstances become the background, and both the decisions that we make and the decisions that others make create the drama. What I have found is that sometimes when we don’t know the previous chapters in someone’s story, we don’t understand where they are at now.  If we knew that one of the chapters in someone’s book included abuse, could we understand why the part of the story that we see involves distrust?  If we knew that one of the chapters in someone’s book included burying someone that they loved more than anyone else in the world, could we understand why sometimes there are tearstains on their pages?  If we knew that someone’s story had falling in love, could we understand why their pages weren’t written with a jaded and cynical pen?
Everyone’s story is different and how it continues is affected by previous chapters.  It is important to remember that for everyone we meet, we become part of their story.  The challenge is to be the character that will create a storyline of love, compassion, forgiveness, mercy, and grace.  That can make the next chapter so much better.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Sex in the Digital Age

Before you start freaking out, this isn't “that” kind of blog post.  These are just some thoughts about the subject of waiting.
For years, prior to getting a cell phone, we had this interesting device in our house.  The purpose of this device was to allow callers to leave a message in the event that we were not able to answer the phone.  I remember coming home and going to check for messages…then came cell phones.  Now, a person can call me anytime they want and if I can’t take the call, they can still leave a message.  The difference is that I don’t have to wait until I get home to listen to the message and make a decision to return their call.  There was something exciting about seeing the red light flashing on the answering machine when I got home.  I have an iPhone.  In addition to phone calls, I can use Facebook, check and send emails, google anything, see if there is any activity on my online dating profile, play Words with Friends, and more.  I sat down at my computer today, opened up Chrome and started looking at Facebook.  I then realized that I had just seen what was there moments before on my phone.  The same applied to the other things that I check when I go online.  There was a letdown…a bit of disappointment.  The information was all the same, but because I had already seen it, there wasn’t that much of a thrill.  Do you see where I’m going with this?
God designed sex to take place between two people who are in a marriage relationship.  However, society has tried to convince us that it’s ok to engage in a sexual relationship whenever, wherever, and with whomever we choose. It has distorted what God intended to be something that a married couple shares with only each other into something that is a casual physical act.  Sex has become like carrying a cell phone.  There’s no need to wait for what you want.  It’s available at any time.  The problem is that when the time comes for a person to enter into a marriage relationship, some of the excitement that should be there isn’t because, for lack of a better phrase….been there, done that.  I know that the concept of waiting until marriage to engage in a sexual relationship may seem completely unreasonable to some, (cough, cough…my last date.  Don’t worry, he found someone without boundaries and I haven’t heard from him since) but the benefits of showing self-control until you are in a marriage relationship greatly outweigh the momentary pleasure.  Oh and besides…..God is pretty clear on the subject. Hmmm….Maybe He knows what he’s talking about.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Does this make my butt look big?

I like to go shopping…..but not for clothes.  It’s difficult for me to find clothes that fit and are flattering.  I guess that’s what happens when you’re shaped like a potato.  When I go shopping for clothing, there are certain people that I want with me and certain people that I don’t.  For me, the perfect shopping partner is honest, perceptive, and not afraid to give their opinion while still being kind.  They know that I value their insight and are willing to share it with me.  It’s easy to be the person who tells me that everything looks good on me.  The problem is that when I wear that clothing later, it isn't flattering at all and I have wasted money. 
I find it interesting to see that same concept in other areas of life.  There are times when people only seek out those who will tickle their ears and tell them what they want to hear.  They know that there are struggles and sin that they are facing, but rather than seek out and listen to the counsel of people who care enough to be honest; they only associate with those that will rationalize their sin and support their bad choices.  Someone who is immature will avoid wise counsel, but maturity is evidenced by seeking truth. 
In the same way, people often avoid those parts of the Bible that lead them to maturity in their walk with God.  They only want to know the parts that give them a warm-fuzzy feeling and skip the parts that tell them that they need to change. That approach to faith cannot result in a deeper walk with Christ.  It results in ongoing immaturity and not experiencing the relationship with God and others that He desires for us. 
Don’t be satisfied with immaturity. Use the whole Bible as a guide to a deeper relationship with God.  Seek out those people that will be honest with you.  Don’t be afraid to hear that something makes your butt look big.  

Sunday, February 12, 2012

A Leader on His Knees

Every Sunday, there is a time in our church service when people are welcomed to the altar to bring their prayers and petitions to God.  I have been attending this church since 1995 and almost without fail, there is one man that is consistently at the altar.  I don’t know why…that’s between him and God, but from what I know of this man, I am guessing that at least some of the time he is carrying our community to the cross and asking for God’s wisdom and direction in the face of change.  He is our city’s mayor, Ward Koeser.  This man has been in a position of leadership for many years.  He has weathered the challenges that come with both prosperity and disparity, with integrity.  He has been ripped apart in the newspaper by people hiding behind made up names, but continues to be a reflection of steadfast leadership.  He has appeared in numerous national media outlets, only to have them edit out some of his statements and then have to take the backlash of people who do not understand.  People may not agree with every decision he makes, but we always know that he has the best interest of the city in mind. Mayor Koeser’s relationship with God doesn't just appear when he is trying to win votes or look good for the public. It is evident in the life that he leads every day.  As a member of this community, I am so thankful that we have a leader that will bow on his knees before God and seek His guidance. 

Thursday, February 9, 2012

What defines you?

I have been confronted lately with the belief that a person’s worth is based, in some part at least, by their physical appearance.  Toddlers participating in beauty pageants are judged on whether or not they are “facially gifted”.  A man decides to make concessions in the area of physical beauty and gets to know a woman anyway, acting as if she should be grateful that he lowered his standards for her and makes a point of letting her know that.   I find it sad that while he describes that same woman as strong, analytical, honest, funny, interesting, intelligent, and supportive,  it does not outweigh the fact that she is not facially gifted.
How awesome that God sees the heart….where true beauty and true ugliness lie!  What a difference it makes when He sees us through eyes of love.  He sees us as being so beautiful that he paid the ultimate price just so He could spend eternity with us.  How different would our world be if we could use those same eyes of love and see beauty for what it really is?  How many people have we overlooked because we defined people by what they looked like rather than who they were?  Just sayin’
Signed….a strong, analytical, honest, funny, interesting, intelligent, and supportive woman

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Like Father, Like Sons and Daughter

This past Friday marked the 4th anniversary of my husband’s death.  I have learned that it doesn't get easier.  I miss him as much today as that day 4 years ago.  As the day went by, I found myself thinking about my kids.  I read some things that they had written about their dad and I was reminded that although Dan is no longer with me, he lives through his children.  It’s the sense of humor that you can’t help but smile about.  It’s the patience and care that is shown for children. It’s the friendliness that quickly dispels being a stranger.  It’s the encouraging word when it’s needed.  When I look at my children, I see their father.  The resemblance is unmistakable.
John 14:9 Jesus answered: “Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’?  

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Escaping the Fire

Friday night, I stayed late at work to get things ready for this week.  There weren't very many people in my part of the building, but there were basketball games starting in both the High School and Middle School Gyms.  There were probably about 200 people in the building.  About 6:30, I was running copies.  Then the fire alarm went off.  We have procedures to follow in the event that this happens during school and I felt it was prudent to follow the same procedure….well, not exactly.  I didn't have to take my emergency kit with me, yell for attendance when I got outside, keep students off of the neighbor’s lawns, and report to the designated people to make sure that all of my students were accounted for.  I left through the main entrance with 3 other people.  I glanced toward the entrance to the gym and was surprised to see that no one was exiting the building.  After several minutes, the alarm stopped, we reentered the building, and I went back to what I was doing.  Apparently, someone had burned the popcorn and it set off the smoke detectors.  Everyone was safe, but what if had been a real fire.  There were about 200 people that heard the alarm or saw the flashing lights and chose to ignore them.  I wonder what was going through their minds to bring them to that conclusion.  Were the games that riveting?  Had they become complacent because it had happened before?  Did they think they were invincible to danger?  Whatever it was, they stayed.  But, what if it had been a real fire.  The high school section was built in the 1950’s. That means materials, varnish, and construction that would result in a significant fire spread.  Think about 200 people now needing rescuing.  Think about the professionals that would have to risk their lives to do so.  Think about those that didn't make it. Think about the families and friends affected by the loss.  That’s pretty sobering, in my opinion. 
As usual, God tapped me on the shoulder and told me to pay attention.  The 200 people in the building didn’t see any evidence of fire.  They had no way of knowing if it was a concession stand catastrophe or a real danger.  Sin is like that.  We are so wrapped up in what we are doing that we ignore all the alarms that God has put in place to protect us.  We are so focused on enjoying ourselves that we just keep sinning no matter what the dangers are.  We can’t always see the evidence of sin so we think we can just ignore it.  In our opinion, no one is getting hurt at the moment so it doesn’t matter.  What we can’t see is that the fire is spreading and we are in danger.  Not only that, but we put other people in danger also.  We don’t think about the other people who get hurt either trying to rescue us or watch helplessly while they wait for us to admit the danger of the sin.  We don’t think about the fact that present sin may not seem all that bad, but can greatly alter what God had planned for our futures. 
God already gave us the procedures to follow in the event of being faced with sin.  Just like those who work at the school, we need to plan ahead, be prepared and follow the guidelines that are in place.  We need to stop ignoring the alarms that God is giving us.  Then we will be able to escape the fire.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

A Reminder to Myself

This week I had the displeasure of being outright dismissed…..no warning….no explanation.  For the last 6 months I have been communicating with a guy.  This was mostly texting with a few emails thrown in for good measure. In November, he assured me that we would have some phone dates…it never happened.  In December, he said he would call on Christmas…..it never happened.  In fact, the last message that I got from him Christmas night was positive…no indication that there was a problem.  Subsequent texts to him were unanswered so I decided to give him space.  After two weeks, I sent another message.  He replied to this one with basically a “Sorry, but not interested.”  Uhm what!!!!   I know what you’re thinking and trust me, I have thought the same thing over the past several days.  I see how totally pathetic I am to even put myself in the position to experience this situation.  I’ll wait for you to stop the laughing at the ridiculous notion of hope that I had……..Are you done?
I am so glad that God doesn’t dismiss me.  He will never leave me or forsake me.  He will never stop communicating with me.  He will never suddenly disappear, leaving me to wonder.  He will never make promises that He has no intention on keeping.  He is consistent and true and wants to have a relationship with me.  That’s a pretty hard act to follow, but I think I’ll wait for the man that can live up to those expectations.  After all, if Jesus thinks I’m to die for, I shouldn’t settle for anything less.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

What I learned in 2011

1.            My kids, daughters-in-law, and grandkids continue to be amazing.  Seriously….have you seen my kitchen!!!!  Jeramy did an awesome job!!!!


2.            I am incredibly blessed to have a job that I love, and a home of my own.  Those from the Williston area will understand how special that is.

3.            I need to remember that not everyone appreciates or shares the passion that I have for my job and my students.  That doesn’t change my passion though. 

4.            I really don’t like being treated like I’m invisible or not worth the effort and time that it takes to make a phone call or send a text.  I’m not sure how to stop that from happening though.

5.            I freely admit that I hope to find a godly man that will love me completely.  I miss sharing my life with someone.

6.            Corelle plates work very well for keeping furniture out of water when the basement floods.

7.            You cannot successfully run a sump pump using a converter plugged into the cigarette lighter of the car.

8.            I am very blessed to have friends who will come to my aid when I find myself inadequate to handle issues with my house.

9.            I don’t like being in church alone.

10.          I need to not place any expectations on other people.  I need to be grateful for whatever I can get.