Come Share My Quilt

Come share my quilt…vibrant colors, thread paths winding

Sit with me and dream of a thousand tomorrows

Come share my quilt…soft, familiar

Cover me and protect me from the world

Come share my quilt….threadbare, tattered

Hold my hand and knowingly smile

Fold my quilt…tearstained, empty

find warmth in the memories.

Come share my quilt

I love you

It's Valentine's day. A day when "I love you" is thrown around like confetti. It's pretty, but fades and is left to be trampled on or blown whichever way the wind carries it. "I love you" should mean more than that. Here is how I view "I love you".

"I love you" is a parent tearfully and repeatedly carrying their child to the cross until the child wants to go there and stay.
"I love you" is wanting the best for a person, even if it doesn't include you. It's letting go even though it hurts.
"I love you" is believing and hoping in God for a person, but knowing that they have to experience it personally.
"I love you" is recognizing and encouraging the dreams of another person without having to give up your own.
I read one that a woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him in order to find it. That's the "I love you" worth waiting for...the love that won't get trampled, won't fade, won't be tossed about by the wind. A love that is built on a solid rock...The Solid Rock

Have a _____ day

Have a ____ day

by Brenda Hanson Holm on Monday, January 24, 2011 at 12:12pm

Someone at the store tells you to “have a nice day.” Someone in an email tells you to “have a pleasant day.” Everyone wants you to have some kind of positive experience during your day. I don’t. I want you to have the kind of day that causes you to seek out God, whether it’s positive and drives you to worship and praise Him, or negative and drives you to seek His mercy and grace.
Have a God-filled day.

What I learned in 2010

What I learned in 2010

by Brenda Hanson Holm on Thursday, January 6, 2011 at 8:57pm

1.      I am still the luckiest mom in the world.  Before my children came into my life, I didn’t know it was possible to love someone so much.

2.     I am very blessed to have a job that I love.  I have so much fun and hope that my students know how much I care about them.

3.     It’s very important to choose carefully who you invest yourself in. 

4.     It’s getting easier to go to church, but I still don’t like being there alone.

5.     No matter how badly I want them, sometimes I don’t get the answers that I need.

6.     It’s possible to have a lot of people in my house and it still not feel crowded.

7.     Fabric is sooooooooo awesome!!!

8.     Everywhere I look there are memories, but they are starting to bring more smiles than tears.

9.     If the men that I have encountered in the last year are any indication of what is out there for me, I don’t foresee being blessed with love again.

10.   Maybe….just maybe…

You can't save everyone

I really struggled the past couple of weeks with having to have 3 students permanently removed from one of my classes mostly due to behavior problems. There are the questions, "Could I have done more?" "Where did I fail these students?" "How will this affect their future?" I was sharing these struggles with another staff member. She told me that we can't save everyone. We can only save the ones that wanted to be saved. I thought about that and still felt like I could have/should have done more. 
I started to think about what God did for us. He did everything possible to save us from our sins and from ourselves and yet, people continue to go to hell. I believe that God agonizes over our decisions to not follow Him. I also believe that He has done everything to make it possible for us to have the life that He knows is best, but He can only save the ones that want to be saved. 
God is not a bully. He doesn't force us to follow Him. God is a gentleman. He allows us to choose whether or not we want to "be in His class." 
If that's the approach that God uses, is it fair for me to expect more of myself?

A new school year

School starts tomorrow. I'm excited. I also know that there will be challenges and apparently those challenges are already starting. I know that there are some people that won't like what I'm going to say, but that's ok. It's only my opinion.

This is for the parents.

I care about your child.  Because I care about your child there are some things that I would like you to know.

I care about your child enough to expect their best.  "It's good enough" isn't good enough.  I expect your child to do the best that THEY can.  I don't expect perfection, but I do expect them to get as close as they are able.

I care enough to know that things happen in a teenagers world that are traumatic.  I also know that allowing them to treat everything as traumatic is a big mistake.  If a bad hair day is the end of the world, they will never be able to cope with big issues that may come.  Be sympathetic and supportive, but also show them how to be realistic.  

I care enough to know that your child may not play for a professional sports team when they grow up.  I'm going to help them have some options, just in case that doesn't work out.

I care enough to report it if they say they are going to kill themselves, even if it's a joke.  I will never take a chance when their life could depend on it. To quote a student, "Thank you for telling what I said.  I wasn't kidding."  Besides the fact that the law mandates that I report it, I'd rather report it and be wrong than not report it and go to your child's funeral.

I care about your child enough to also alert the authorities if I have reason to believe that they are in an abusive situation.  Instead of being mad, appreciate the fact that there are people watching out for your child.

Teach your child to try to take care of their own problems.  If there is an issue in a class, the student should talk to me.  Yes, I make mistakes.  Coming into the school screaming that I don't know how to do my job because when your child turned their book in while I was teaching another class and I forgot to tell the office probably isn't necessary.  A simple "Mrs. Holm, could you please check your books because I'm sure I turned it in" is sufficient.  

I care enough to take care of myself.  I have a family.  I have a life outside of the school.  If I choose to go to extra-curricular activities, it's my choice.  It is not part of my job.  I have over 125 students this semester. There is no way that I can attend everything they are involved in.  If I'm there, be appreciative.  If I'm not, don't bash me in the comment section of the online newspaper or to everyone who will listen.  Remember that I have about one hour a day during school to grade papers and prepare lessons. 

Teachers really do have lives away from your child.  We have joys and sorrows, just like everyone else.  Try to remember that when you are calling the administration and complaining about a teacher missing school. (I actually had a parent do that when Dan was diagnosed with cancer. This parent knew about what was happening. Another parent became very angry with me when I returned to school after Dan died because I had missed school)  

Feel free to call me at home if there is an issue that cannot wait until school the next day, like a question about an assignment.  Please don't call me at home to ask about a grade.  I probably don't have the assignment at home with me.  Please don't stop me in public to give me details about your daughters period.  Yep, that happened.  Please be aware that when you send nasty emails or leave abusive messages on my voicemail at school, I save them and give them to the administration.  Don't make excuses for your child's choices, lie for them so they can avoid consequences, or hold teacher bashing sessions in your home.  It makes your child believe that they don't have to have respect.  

If you have an idea or a resource that you think may be helpful, please let me know.  If you have something positive to say, please let me know.  

Above all, remember that we are on the same team.  

Thank you for entrusting your child to me.  I take the responsibility very seriously.

I wish God had Facebook

I wish God had Facebook. Wouldn't it be nice? Think about it. All you would have to is send Him a request and He would add you to His list of friends. Then anytime you wanted you could leave a message on His wall. You could tell Him how awesome He is and how much you love Him. All of His other friends could see it and leave comments too. If there was something that you wanted to talk to Him privately about, you could send Him a message. He could respond when He thought the time was right or maybe He would send a flair or something to show you how much He loved you. He could even start a blog so we could read about Him and get an idea about how He wanted us to live. Yeah, it would be nice if God had Facebook. 

What I learned in 2009

What I learned in 2009.

by Brenda Hanson Holm on Wednesday, December 30, 2009 at 10:11pm

It's reflection time again. As I look back at the last year, I think of the things that I have learned and the things that I have been reminded of. 

1. My kids continue to amaze me. The strength, wisdom, resilience, and compassion that they personify is a constant reminder of the person that their dad was. The legacy that lives on in them will change this world for eternity. I love you guys more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. 

2. I am so incredibly blessed to have such wonderful women marry my sons. Meagan, Danae, Dani, and Allison, you are integral parts of what makes us a family. Thank you so much for who you are. 

3. As each of my children continue to find their place in the world, I am reminded that they don't belong to me. I am often asked if I worry about my kids and I have to honestly say, No....most of the time. These children are on loan to me and God is going to accomplish His will in their lives. There are times that I have to consciously choose this attitude but I know it's necessary because I never want my fears to keep them from reaching for their dreams. 

4. WOW!!!! Grandbabies are the coolest idea ever!!!! 

5. Maybe it's my advancing age or change in perspective, but I am finding that love isn't enough. I hope that doesn't shock anyone. I've just seen that with the words, there has to be action...even when it's difficult or inconvenient or takes a little effort. It is also important to know when love isn't enough and it's time to let go. 

6. There are times that you have to push forward...even baby steps count. 

7. I need to quit wasting money on hopeless ventures. There are much better uses for that money....like fabric. 

8. It's ok to spoil myself once in awhile. 

9. I need to take more pictures. 

10. It's time....for a lot of things. 

Thank you to all those that made 2009 a year to remember! 

The Odd Puzzle Piece

Have you ever done a puzzle, only to find that there’s that one piece that doesn't fit? You try different spots in the puzzle, but the color is wrong and the shape doesn't match up anywhere. What should be a simple task of matching the in’s and out’s, soon becomes an exercise in futility. As the puzzle starts to form a beautiful picture, you look at that odd puzzle piece again and remember that it belonged to another puzzle. A puzzle that is long gone except for that one piece left behind surrounded by the pieces that have a place and a purpose.

Life is like a jigsaw. It carves out pieces of you. Sometimes it makes you fit better so you can be part of the big picture; part of something beautiful. Sometimes though, it reveals that you don’t really fit anywhere. I have found myself as that odd puzzle piece. I’m the one that doesn’t fit. I used to be part of a great picture, but in the last couple of years the other pieces have disappeared. So I ask myself, where does the puzzle piece that I have become, fit?
Someone told me recently that I should find other people who are like me and talk to them. Where does a 42 year-old widow with 6 grown kids, a handful of grandkids, who was only married 9 years and 37 days go to find people like her? 
First, I’m 42 years old. That should put me the category of people celebrating a milestone anniversary or at least being settled into the comfortable familiarity that allows for a satisfaction of what life is. Instead I have been forced back into a game where the rules are dictated by young, attractive, thin women that the world sees as worthwhile. Those men that are younger than me don’t want an “old lady,” and the ones my age and older are either unavailable or want someone young and fresh. The pool of potential people that I could possibly date is very shallow and what is there is often covered with a layer of stagnant scum. The puzzle piece that is my life doesn’t fit with those that want to start new relationships.
I’m not the typical widow. Although a student told me recently that I was old, in comparison with other widows, I am relatively young. I was only married 9 years and 37 days and I find myself wishing I could look back and remember the many, many years that I shared with my husband. The “average” widow has shared a lifetime of memories, joys and sorrows, and love. I didn’t get that privilege. The puzzle piece that has become my life doesn’t fit with couples that were still young in their marriage or the couples that are older and have shared a lifetime.
I hit the ground running when I got married because in addition to a wonderful husband I got a bonus of 5 amazing children. They ranged in age from 10 to 18. Later we welcomed another young man into the family. I don’t have the joy of remembering their first word, their first day of school, and the funny little smile when they woke up from a nap…although Corey still provides that. The puzzle piece that is my life doesn’t fit with other mothers.
As I write this, I have the 2 most wonderful grandkids in the world. Any day now, there will be another one, a few weeks later another and by mid-summer, there will be a total of 5 little ones hanging out being cute. Yep, I’m a grandma. I attended my 20 year class reunion a few years back. Only one of my classmates had a grandchild. The other grandmas are older and have the memories of their children when they were growing up to complete the picture. The puzzle piece that is my life doesn’t fit with other grandmas.
I am somewhat of an enigma. Because of how my puzzle piece is shaped, people don’t really know what to do with me. Even those places that I thought I would always be a part of, with my husband or not, have now become places that shout, “You don’t fit anymore.” It’s not as obvious as that, but I feel like the message is there. The puzzle piece that has become my life doesn’t fit in the places that were a prominent part of my life with my husband.
I’m part of a picture that will never be seen again. I am that leftover puzzle piece that doesn’t fit.

Reflections on a Toothache

I don’t like going to the dentist. I’m really not sure why. I get a sufficient amount of Novocain to dull any pain that may occur. Maybe it’s the old magazines in the waiting room. Maybe it’s that distinct smell that hits you like a load of bricks when you walk in. Maybe it’s the thought of the bill. Or, maybe it’s because the thought that there may be pain is far worse than the actual discomfort. The problem is that I tend to suffer instead of making the appointment and getting done what needs to be done. I can medicate away the pain, but the problem is still there and too much acetaminophen is hard on the liver. Additionally, if it is let go too long, it can affect eating, which leads to nutritional problems and on and on and on. In other words, by not addressing the initial problem, it gets worse and causes problems elsewhere in the body. The answer is to make the appointment and get the problem taken care of.

Think about the toothache. What is causing the problem in the first place? A toothache seldom appears out of nowhere. It is a result of many choices. I’ll be the first to proclaim that there are serious healing powers in comfort food. Unfortunately, a lot of those comfort foods include things that aren’t good for us in large amounts. When I teach nutrition, I tell my students that aside from food safety issues, no food is bad. It’s all about moderation. It’s ok to have a piece of chocolate cake once in awhile. It’s not ok to eat the whole cake. No, really it’s not. In this respect, it’s not an issue of right and wrong. It’s an issue of recognizing those things in our lives that aren’t sin, but still cause problems. Just as a toothache is a result of a lot of choices, problems are usually the result of a lot of choices. What choices are you making that seem harmless, but are affecting those around you negatively?
I don’t have a cool little mirror like the dentist does. I can’t adequately look at the problem and assess the situation. I can try and sometimes I think I know what’s going on, but usually I’m wrong. I only see the surface issue. My dentist knows where to look, how to look, and what to look for. I need someone on the outside to point out the problem to me. Granted, that’s what I’m paying them to do, but I still don’t like what they have to say. When we are in the middle of a situation, we can’t always see what is so obvious to other people. We can dismiss them or get defensive. I won’t suggest that you always need to substitute someone else’s judgment for your own, but it’s worth stepping back from where you’re at and listening to what they have to say. They just might be able to see things a little more objectively. If someone, or several people, are trying to tell you something, it may be worth listening to. What are people trying to tell you that you have been reluctant to hear? Are they trying to make you understand something that you can’t see because you’re too close to the situation?
Going to the dentist can be scary. The anticipation of possible pain is far worse than what may happen in the dentist chair. The problem is that the fear accomplishes absolutely nothing, but the short-lived pain can solve the problem. It’s like that old rule about bandages. Rip it off quickly and it hurts less. It’s when the bandage is removed slowly because you’re afraid of the pain that it hurts more. There are many things that we avoid because we know there might be pain. We either prolong the process of doing what needs to be done which causes more pain or we avoid it all together and stay in a situation where we don’t belong. The problem is that by the time we get around to addressing it, the damage and pain are far worse, plus we’ve lost the time and energy that was wasted on avoidance. The eHarmony concept fascinates me. They match you up with people; you decide if you want to talk to them, and they allow you to progress through several steps before actually talking to the person. At any point you can decide to stop communication. You can make the decision based on rationality instead of just emotion. This is a pretty smart thing. The danger of staying in a relationship just because you’re afraid to face the pain of leaving it is minimized. You have a chance to make choices based on something besides fear. Unfortunately, most of our lives don’t offer us this luxury. We have to do things that are unpleasant or scary and may even cause ourselves or someone else pain, but it still has to be done. Hanging on to things that need to be let go robs us of what God really wants for us. 
I was in a teaching position for 12 years. At the time, I enjoyed my job and loved the students, but there came a point where I had to recognize the toxicity of the situation and leave. It was scary. I was in a job that I was very confident in my abilities and going to a larger school where I had to deal with the mess that the former teacher had left. Additionally, I took a significant cut in pay. It was scary, but now I can see that it was the right thing to do. I cannot believe how different the last two years have been. The support and encouragement that I received in the darkest days of my life cannot be measured. I look forward to going to work and enjoy working with the students. I can’t change the fact that I didn’t take advantage of the opportunity when it presented itself 3 years earlier. I do wonder how the choice to hang on to something that wasn’t the best for me affected other people. What are you avoiding or putting off because of fear?
I have a sign hanging in my living room that states “Let go of the life we have planned in order to accept the life we have waiting for us.” As a little girl, I never dreamed that this would be my life. I planned for the happy ever- after. I dreamed of the valiant prince. I got the valiant prince, but the happy ever-after was cut very short. Now I have to choose whether to hang on to the life I had planned, but can never have or accept the life that it waiting for me. I will never let go of the memories, but I have to let go of the life I had planned. It’s not going to happen and to stay in a state of hopelessness is going to rob me of what is waiting for me. I won’t lie. The process of letting go is painful, but there comes a time when you have to rip off the bandage. You have to take the first step and call the dentist. What are you hanging on to that is robbing you of the life that is waiting for you?

My Average Kids

I initially wrote this as a response to my cousins post about how people ask kids what they want to be when they grow up and expect an answer about a profession when it would be better for a child to have the goal of growing up to have character qualities. I decided to share it here also. 

Hmmm..It’s interesting that you bring this up because I've been saying something similar for a long time. I have the fortune or misfortune of teaching with what I call academic snobs. These are the people that think the worth of a student is defined by their grades or better yet, whether or not they are an "honor" student....and heaven forbid that a child not go to college!!!! At a staff meeting yesterday, this point was made apparent again when these teachers again made it clear that they felt classes like mine, or art, or music were blow off classes and only served as place to put the kids that didn't meet their standards of worthiness. 
I guess the mom and the FACS teacher in me gets a little ruffled about this. You see, I have those kids that dare to fall in the category of "average" by those that decide that their worth is based on what they can regurgitate on a test. I guess I’ll take the opportunity to tell you about my “average” children. 
My oldest child teaches Technology Education at a Middle School. There’s a special place in heaven for teachers of Middle School students. He didn’t graduate with honors. He had to work very hard for the grades that he got but now he’s making a difference in the lives of kids. His experience with struggling and working hard in school is part of what makes him an awesome teacher. 
My second child trained in construction at Northwest Tech in Grand Forks. He didn’t have special stole when he got his high school diploma, but he can build pretty much anything he can imagine and is an amazing husband and father. 
Child number 3 was an honor student, but defied immediate expectations and chose to serve his country in the Army. I know how some people feel about him serving 3 tours in Iraq, but this mom is damn proud to have a child who was willing to serve. He now attends college and has more sense at 24 than most people develop in a lifetime. 
On to child number four. This “average” child taught English in China, helped start a church in Pittsburgh and is one of the most amazing dads I’ve ever met. He has an immense capacity to care about people that is thrilling to watch. 
My fifth average child showed me a long time ago that he genuinely cared about the people around him. In an effort to keep his friends from drinking, he asked to have a few of them over after a home football game. There were 105 kids in the backyard that night. He made a difference then and is making a difference now by traveling to high schools throughout the United States as part of a team whose goal is to motivate students to make good decisions. 
My sixth child, and only girl, is pretty small, but has a heart that is huge. She has a goal of running an orphanage in Kenya someday. She has helped in the rebuilding effort in New Orleans with her brother, worked with orphans in Zambia, and is working to save the money that will allow her to enter the mission field. 
Yeah, my kids are pretty average if you look at their report cards, but they are anything but average in the things that really count. I guess that’s to be expected since their dad was pretty average too. What most people don’t realize is that he was anything but average when it came to making a difference in people’s lives. He made more of an impact through his short life and death than any honor student, or for that matter, anyone I know. 

The things I learned in 2008

The things I learned in 2008

by Brenda Hanson Holm on Thursday, January 1, 2009 at 8:21pm

It should come to no one's suprise that this has been the most challenging year of my life. I should say this far, because about the time I don't think things can get worse, God accepts the challenge and proves me wrong. 
I don't know if it's the teacher or the parent in me that constantly tries to find something to learn, but here I go again sorting through the past year. This is what I've learned. I'm hoping that 2009 brings easier lessons.
1. Nothing is certain. Whatever life you dream of can change in the time that it takes for a heart to beat....or not beat.
2. A time of crisis has a way of sorting out people and leaving those that you can depend on.
3. Support and encouragement can come from the most unexpected places and people.
4. Waterproof mascara is not optional.
5. Teenagers are much more understanding, compassionate, and caring than most people give them credit for.
6. Sometimes, the more I see "christians." the less I see Christ.
7. Grandchildren are amazing!!
8. I have the best kids and kids-in-law in the world. (This lesson constantly repeats itself.)
9. Situations and people aren't always what they appear to be.
10. It's important to exercise caution when you have to blow your nose and have a nose ring.

Do Unto Others

Luke 6:31 says, “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” I’ve always heard this verse used when someone was exhorting another person to treat others more kindly. Recently though, I had opportunity to see this verse put into practice from a different angle.

A colleague of mine was having a bad day. As is my usual custom, I was telling her how incredibly amazing my kids are. I told her that I was going to contact some of them and ask them to text her some words of encouragement. Over the next hour or so, she would seek me out to share the latest text message. Her day was brightened. She became puzzled however, at the motivation of the kids. Only Corey and Crystal had the opportunity to work with her in high school. I told her that their motivation was probably due partly because they hoped that when I was having a rough day someone would extend to me the same kind of kindness. To stretch the verse a bit; the kids did to others as they hoped someone would do to me.
I also learned that even though kindness doesn’t always get returned, you should be kind anyway. Over the past month or so, I have tried to be a source of encouragement to another person. I’ve shared Bible verses, prayer, and words of encouragement. On a recent rough day, I reached out and asked for encouragement from them, but got nothing in return. I have to admit that I was disappointed by their response or lack thereof. I still need to be that encouraging word to them. I need to “do to them, even if they don’t do unto me.”

Random Construction Thoughts

I asked myself this morning, “Why can’t the remodeling project, just be the remodeling project? Why do I feel this need to find life application in things around me?”

I don’t know the answer, but it is what it is so I guess I’ll just go with it. Now, on to the random thoughts.

1. Sometimes things have to get worse before they can get better. 
2. Trying to cover up the problems with quick fixes, results in having to do a lot more work to deal with the problems later.
3. Even though on the outside things might look good, you still have to deal with what’s on the inside.
4. God can give you the greatest blessings in the middle of asking Him to bless your meal.
5. When you can’t understand what’s going on because of the circumstances around you, God provides a way to get a clearer picture.

I’m sure there will be more random thoughts as the week progresses. These are what I have seen in the first day of the project.

Random thought number 1.
My house looks like a crack house. Granted, it has a beautiful new front door and 2 new windows, so far, but it still looks like a crack house. In order to put on the new siding, the stucco had to be removed. Some of this was done a couple of weeks ago and the rest was done on Saturday. When we started this project, the house badly needed a facelift, but compared to what it looks like at this point, it wasn’t so bad. I am completely confident that in the next week, things will progress and the outcome will be phenomenal.
Many times, we are like my house. We are badly in need of a heart reconstruction. Peeling off the layers of what life has handed us, and the consequences of sins we have committed can be messy and painful. We dread the process, so are contented to stay the way we are and not deal with it. Unfortunately, that never allows God to develop the new and improved version. The process of peeling off the layers and letting God do the work that needs to be done isn’t the most pleasant experience, but the end result makes it worth it.

Random thought number 2
In the process of removing the stucco and windows, we got a few surprises. Every once in awhile, I would see Jeramy and Justin standing and looking at part of the house. This usually meant there was an obstacle to overcome. Pretty soon they had figured out what to do and were working to correct the problem. More than once, I heard mutterings of wondering why the people that had done the work originally hadn’t done it right in the first place. Their mistakes and shortcuts caused more work now.
Quick fixes and shortcuts don’t cut it in life either. You have to get at the heart of the issue and take care of it. It’s easier to do the quick fixes, but somewhere along the way, you are going to have to deal with it. 
Random thought number 3
Construction causes a great deal of dust. I know that in a few days, the outside of my house is going to look incredible. The inside is another story. There is a layer of dust on everything. Put that with several additional people staying here and one of them being an amazing 1 year old little girl, and the interior of the house looks like a small tornado hit it. I have a choice next week. I can concentrate my energy on getting into the cracks and crevices to remove the debris or I can ignore it until I leave on my vacation. I highly doubt that the cleaning fairies will come to visit while I’m gone so coming home to the same dust and chaos would not be a good idea.
Here’s the life lesson. Even though we look good on the outside, if the inside of our lives isn’t cleaned up, we continue to live in mess and chaos. We can say the right things, claim the promises of God, and take our place in our favorite church pew, but if our hearts aren’t changed, our lives aren’t changed. We can become very skilled at pushing aside and covering up those things that we need to address. It is only when we look within our hearts and ask God to reveal those places that need attention that we can truly be authentic.

Random thought number 4
I can’t comment on this one for a while, but will definitely be revisiting this thought.

Random thought number 5 
I’ve discovered that there are definite differences between men and women. I know that this revelation shocks you, but stay with me so I can explain. Stereotypically, men enjoy sports mainly because they enjoy the competition, the skill of the players, and thrill of victory. Women being more relational, like to know about the players. Personally, I don’t enjoy watching sports unless I either know the players or know about them. I need that relationship aspect.
With that being said, I will explain the thought. This past Friday, I listened to a baseball game on the radio. I didn’t really choose to. I just happened to be with someone who was very intent on the game. This particular game, if won, would put the Williston High School baseball team into the championship game. I don’t know many students outside of the ones that took my classes this past year. However, while we listened to the game, I recognized some names and started asking questions. A couple of the players had been my students and some I knew through Dan doing business with them. Now I had the relationship aspect that made me interested in the game.
The championship game was on Saturday night. I was interested in the game so contacted someone that I knew would be there and asked him to text me the score once in awhile. He agreed and also told me that the game would be on the radio. I tuned in, but wasn’t able to hear most of what was going on due to construction. It didn’t take long to figure out that the announcer was sitting next to someone from Williston. Each time we heard a lady scream, we knew something good had happened. I would send a text and find out what had happened.
Now for the life lesson. There seems to always be circumstances that cause us to not hear what God has to say. In the midst of the noise and confusion, we can’t always understand what we need to know. It is in those times, if we ask for God’s intervention, that He will provide for us people and situations that make things clearer. Those on the outside of the situation are often able to share with us the things that God wants us to know. We need to ask for God’s help, not only for Him to provide us with clearer pictures, but also that He will prompt us to be that clearer picture for others.

What I learned while I was home sick for 2 days

It was time for my annual Spring cold. It started on Sunday. I sucked it up and went to meetings on Monday, but had to to stay home on Tuesday and Wednesday. During that time, I learned a few things.

1. Daytime tv is fairly pointless. Even with digital cable.
2. I need to get my act together and not let life pass me by. I need to claim Jeremiah 29:11 and mean it! There is a future and a hope. No, I'm not moving or quitting my job. I just need to view my future with a better attitude and with a sense of hope.
3. This was the big one. I've been reading Karen Kingsbury books for a few years now. These books follow a family through joys and trials. Many of the situations presented in the books have also been in our lives. Last night I was very impressed by God to finish the book. I read about one of the characters life seeming to fall apart around her. She was praising God by singing. The quote that stuck out to me so clearly was “Praising God is an act of trust, a way of putting aside the cares and troubles of this world and looking to God alone”
Wow, did I need that!! I have to praise God and let go of the cares and troubles that hold me back. I need to allow myself to feel things other than pain and sorrow. I need to...no, I will praise God and let Him figure out the rest.

I don't know what to call this

First, I must apologize. I have, at times, lied to you. I didn’t really mean to. It just seemed easier. I was supposed to be the strong one for everyone else. I was supposed to be the one that had spiritual revelations. Maybe I was lying to myself too, because right now I feel anything but fine.

You know when you feel like God is so near and He’s showing you what you need to know? You make a new resolve to get your act together and start living your life again. You feel like you have hope. You even think you’re strong enough to help out some people that are struggling. And for the most part, you were. The people who know you were fun to be around, but then there are those people who don’t know and make passing comments about the one thing that has caused you more pain than anything else ever could. You suck it up and hold it together. You’ve gotten pretty good at that. The day isn’t over yet. You have to make a choice when to address the nonstop coughing that has made rest impossible. Each hour away from work means a smaller paycheck so you head to emergency room. The receptionist doesn’t understand why your insurance is different than before and when you explain it to her, she wants to know who to list as your next of kin, but you’re not really sure what to say. It’s a busy day and you spend over an hour in the waiting room. The nurse finally ushers you into the room where you’ve been so many times before, only this time it’s different. You aren’t there to show love, and support. You’re there…alone. The nurses don’t understand why you’re crying. They don’t understand why walking to radiology is so hard. You’ve walked that hallway too many times to remember. Back in that little exam room with the same magazines that were there the last time, you wait….and wait. Three hours since you arrived, the doctor comes in and introduces himself. He doesn’t remember the countless times that you spent there waiting for test results, hoping and praying for good news. But you remember. You remember the hours that you rubbed the feet at the end of the examination table, just so he would know that you were still there. You realize that there isn’t anybody that can be there for you. There probably won’t ever be and that reality hits you like a load of bricks. They give you your instructions and send you on your way to drive home. You walk in the house and wonder where your life went and you realize that somebody took it 30-some odd miles north of here and buried it.

Do Over

Remember when you were a little kid and someone made a mistake? Someone would yell, “Do over,” and the game was played as if the mistake never happened. Life in the adult world isn’t like that. We make choices and we live with the results…good or bad. There are no do over’s. 

I pondered this fact from two different angles.
First, I looked at the do over dilemma from the standpoint of sin. I used to do an exercise with one of my classes where they had to squeeze all of the toothpaste out of the tube. This was very easy and I awarded a small prize to the one who was fastest. Then I would offer a substantial award to the student who could put it all back into the tube. Of course, this is impossible, but they tried really hard and became frustrated when I pointed out that they had been unsuccessful. I used this to illustrate the fact that it’s easy to say something, but impossible to take it back. It can go much farther than that, though.
Whether it’s big or small, hidden or apparent, planned or unplanned, you don’t get a do over when it comes to sin. God is always there to forgive, but there are consequences to our sins. We may not see it immediately and we may never know how it affects another persons’ view of the God that we claim to serve, but sin affects eternity, for us and those around us. 
It could also be a series of choices that make us look back and wonder where the time went. Maybe it’s the events of the past year of my life that has made me appreciate this fact. I sang a song once that said…

So many things I thought would bring me happiness 
Some dreams that are realities today 
Such an irony the things that mean the most to me 
Are the memories that I've made along the way

What if we spend all of our time waiting for tomorrow only to find that while we were waiting, we missed out on the precious reality of today? What if what we were hoping to happen when the time was “right” caused us to miss what we really wanted. It only takes a small glimpse at the faces of my grandchildren to know how quickly time passes. We have to seize every moment and make it count. How sad to realize some day that while we were making plans, life happened and we missed it. 

My challenge to anyone who chooses to read this and accept the seriousness of what I’m trying to say is this. Number one, when you sin, you can’t take it back, no matter how badly you may want to. It’s out there affecting people’s lives for eternity. Secondly, planning is important, but don’t let today pass by while you’re planning for tomorrow. There are no do over’s.

What Does God Want?

Every once in awhile, someone says something that seems simple, but is actually profound in its wisdom. This happened at church today and it made me think of another profound statement that was made many years ago.I'll start with the past....The question was, "Does God call us to be comfortable or committed?" Ouch. I think of that when I am tempted to complain or tempted to do the wrong thing even though it might make my life easier. I have yet to find a passage of scripture where God says to obey Him, but if it makes life a little harder, it's ok to do what you want. I remember a story of a man and his son walking through the jungle. The dad suddenly told the son to drop to his belly and crawl toward him. The son didn't stand and question his father. He didn't talk about how that might be inconvenient or cause him some pain. He was immediately, and without question, obedient. When the child reached his father, he turned to see that a large snake had positioned itself above the child's path and disobedience to his father would have meant certain death. What a great picture of how we are to be with God. There are certainly areas that we need to seek God's guidance and then make decisions, but there are other times that the question of right and wrong has already been answered and God demands unwaivering obedience regardless of how we may be inconvenienced.

The profound thought that came today was a passing comment made during the sermon. Steve was talking about how we sometimes make a ritual or tradition a substitute for having a relationship with Christ. For example, being baptized or taking communion without the relationship does nothing to get us to heaven. The point of the message was "When a good thing becomes the main thing, it results in deception and misplaced hope." There's the background info for the profound thought. Now for the thought..."If you buy a can of soup with a chicken noodle soup label, open it, and find tomato soup, it would make you mad." We can do all the "right" things, say all the "right" things, but if what's inside and how we act doesn't match what we say we believe, it can be very damaging. To take it even farther...if we act like a christian when it's the "in" thing, or we're trying to maintain an image that we think people have of us, or we're trying to fool someone (maybe ourself) into believing we're something that we're really not, but when it gets a little tough, or we want to have some "fun" that we know is not within God's plan, or it's just easier to justify our behavior, there is no real commitment. 
So, what does God want? Does He want us to wear the label of being His, without the actions and commitment to back it up or does He want 100%, all the time, all the way, no exceptions, obedience? Does He want us to be comfortable or committed?

More Random Thoughts

A family was spending the day at a beach. The day was beautiful, but the sea was rough. The parents warned their child of the dangers of the surf. They wanted to protect the child from the dangers that lurked under the surface of the waves. For a while, the child obediently played in the sand, but then started to question the wisdom of his parents. He wondered, “How could anything that looked so fun be so dangerous?” Slowly, the child eased toward the water and when the parents looked away, put his toes in the water. Surely, this couldn’t be what his parents had warned him against. The water felt so good on his feet. His parents called him back to them, but he just smiled and waved and said that it was ok. He knew what he was doing.

As the tide came in, the child drifted farther away, out of the protective grasp of his parents. Still he smiled and waved. “It’s not too deep, and I’m having fun.”
Helplessly, the parents watched and the riptide pulled him closer and closer to the jagged rocks. There was no way to convince the child of the dangers that were so close. As the wave began to beat the child against the rocks, he cried out for help, but there was nothing that the parents could do. They reached out, but the point where they could make a difference was long past. The pain that they felt watching their child fight to survive was unbearable. Each time that it seemed he had conquered the waves, the water drew him back in and he surrendered to the sea. The rescue attempts were ignored. To return back to the safety of the beach would be hard, painful, and would leave many scars.
God, our Father, watches as we surrender to the waves, He has done so much to help us avoid the rocks, but we ignore His direction and correction. The return to His will does not come without pain and scars. We must listen to what He tells us while we are still on the beach.

God and Digital Cable

Today’s random thought is somewhat humorous, but I managed to get some meaning out of it.

Dan and I decided that the current deal on the digital cable/internet/telephone bundle was a good deal. I called on Monday to make an appointment and they were able to come over on Tuesday. I called home on Tuesday to see how things were going and Dan told me that something had happened that resulted in the entire block losing their cable. I went home after school and noticed that the cable was still not working. About an hour later, it still wasn’t working. I figured that they would probably fix it the next day and went on with other activities. I ventured up to the sewing room where I found another receiver, just as we planned. I figured I would watch a movie while I sewed, so I turned the TV on. The digital cable was working. I thought that was strange so I went back downstairs to check out the set in the living room. Still no signal. I decided to investigate a little further. It was then that I noticed that the cable was not attached to the wall. I hooked it up and it worked!
So here’s the deeper meaning. There’s no way that we can hear what God has to say unless we are plugged into Him. We can sit in church, go through the motions, act like we believe, but if we are not truly plugged into Him and His Word, it’s like sitting in front of the TV with the cable unhooked. If we can’t hear what He has to say, how can we pretend to be following His will for our lives? The Bible is very clear on the basic do’s and don’ts, but we choose to ignore them with the rationalization that God somehow is ok with it. It’s only if we are plugged in that the desires of our hearts are overtaken by the desires of His. Spend some (ok, a lot) of time plugging into God and you’ll be amazed by how clear things become.