Really, God?

I don’t think anyone wants to feel like they are being used, but maybe they should.  Over the years, I have found myself in situations where I felt used.  The biggest example of this was my marriage.  Don’t get me wrong.  I had a great marriage and loved Dan very much.  I know that he loved me very much and was proud to be my husband.  With my marriage to Dan, I was blessed to also be a parent to six amazing kids.  I don’t know how mothers who give birth to their children do it.  I can’t imagine loving kids more than I do the ones that God blessed me with.  However, as much we loved the kids, Dan and I were looking forward to a time when the kids were grown and we could enjoy our time together alone without the responsibilities of parenting teenagers.  At the beginning of December 2007, the last of the kids ventured out on their own to find their path in the world.  Shortly after, the cancer that we had hoped Dan had been healed of returned and two months and two surgeries later, Dan changed his address to heaven.  God had used me to help bring the children to adulthood and just when I thought that God would bless me with time to concentrate on my husband, he was gone. It seems that this has become a recurring theme and now most recently, I have found myself being used again.  I have met a man whose life experiences are similar to my own in many respects.  In ways that I haven’t experienced before, God has used me to speak to him.  Last night, God spoke to me that I was being used to prepare this man for his bride.  This was difficult for me to understand, and I wanted to ask, “Really God? Again, I am being used?”.  Well, of course, I am, because that’s how God works.  Maybe, somewhere in God’s plan, I will be blessed beyond being used.  I don’t know what His ideas are.  It’s not my job to know.  It’s my job to listen and be used.