I'm Such a Loser

Maybe it’s because the stress of trying to keep up with everything at school has gotten to me.  Maybe it’s the sleepless nights that are plaguing me.  Maybe it’s because it’s the time of the year that reminds me of painful events in my past.  Maybe it’s because my husband is gone for a month and I miss him terribly.  Whatever it is, I find myself watching Biggest Loser and trying to hold back tears.  It’s makeover week and when I hear some of the comments that they make, I can hear my voice saying the same things.  A little over a year ago, I was 109 pounds heavier.  I struggled to fit in movie theater and airplane seats.  I went straight to the sales rack in clothing stores because I didn’t feel I was worth paying full price.  I often finished shopping trips in tears because I was so frustrated and depressed.  Now here I am.  I’ve gone from size 22/24 to size 8.  The problem is that I still see that fat girl when I look in the mirror.  I hold up a piece of clothing and my brain still says I can’t fit into it. Even when I put it on and it looks pretty good, I still can’t wrap my mind around it.  I’m not done yet.  I have about 25 pounds to go.  I find myself at a standstill….partly because of my own choices and partly because it’s just how the game goes.  I will break through and reach my goal…..eventually …and eventually my mind will catch up with reality and maybe I’ll come to see myself through different eyes.

The Bible in 2 Corinthians 5:717 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”  Unfortunately, we fail to recognize that and we get stuck in a place of believing that we are still the person that we were before Christ.  We hold up the mirror of our life and see failures, disappointments, and hurts.  The head knows that we have been made new, but the heart hasn’t gotten the message.  Then something happens.  Christ comes along side us and we are able to look at that reflection with Him in it and we see the truth of the situation.  We really do look good….we have been redeemed…we are loved and valued.