God and Girl's Basketball

I’ve never really been a “sports mom”.  My kids played some sports in their early high school years, but found that focusing their attention on other things better suited them.  Then I married a family of competitors.  Whether it’s on the wrestling mat, the baseball/softball field, basketball court, or out in the woods, sports play a prominent role in their lives and subsequently mine.  I suddenly find myself spending many hours watching games, participating in pasta feeds with the other moms, traveling to games, scrounging up cash as Gracei gets on the bus, and holding my breath when the game is close.  I got to watch Dakota wrestle, Hunter play baseball and Gracei play softball.  Now I am enjoying the world of Coyote Girls Basketball.  But, as much as I enjoy watching Gracei play, I find myself making other observations and as is usually the case, God speaks to me in some unusual ways. 

Let me start with the pasta feed.  When the girls have games on the weekend, some of the moms (and dads) provide a carbohydrate rich meal to fuel them up for the task before them.  The girls are provided with a variety of pastas, salads, desserts and beverages.  Having never been to one of these events before, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect.  The girls started arriving and filling their plates.  They brought tables together so they could eat as a family.  Then it happened.  One of the girls suggested that they pray.  My heart soared.  This wasn’t a canned prayer, but a heartfelt request for safety on the court and thankfulness for the meal.  There was no asking God for a win or success in any way….just His protection, both for our team and the competition. 

I see the pasta feed as our Christian community, whatever that may look like.  It might be the church that you attend, a Bible study that you belong to, or even a friend that you get together with and have Jesus in common.  It is in those environments that we get fueled for the task ahead of us.  It is there that we pray for God’s grace.  It is there that we are part of something bigger than ourselves.  It is there that we can approach the cross as a team and worship Him.

Before the game, the girls have established a tradition.  Before they come onto the court, they huddle together and pray, pointing to God as a reminder of who receives the praise.  I won’t lie. When I first saw this, I teared up.  What an amazing habit to establish!!  Friday night’s game didn’t end with the Coyotes winning.  In fact, they lost by several points.  When they came on to the court on Saturday, every player was still there, ready to try again.  God doesn’t promise us a success only journey.  In those times when success is out of reach, He wants us to stay in the game, learn from our mistakes and keep trying.

I think the biggest observation that I made during the games was what the girls did every time there was a break in the action or even at times during the action.  They looked at the coach.  Sometimes he made comments to give them direction.  Sometimes, he just gave them “the look”. They seemed to be so tuned into him that he didn’t have to say much during those times, but it refocused them and gave them confidence and direction.

We need to have the same coachability when it comes to the things of God.  We should be spending so much energy and focus during “practice” getting to know Him and what He expects from us, that when we are trying to figure out our next “play” in the game, it only takes a glance in His direction to know what to do.   This isn’t a one-time occurrence.  We should be constantly looking to Him and listening for His voice.

There are more games to be played, more relationships to establish, and more skills to develop.  Through pasta feeds, prayer and playing the game, God will continue to work in and through this team and when I am able, I’ll be there holding my breath and cheering them on….because that’s my role in the game.  

25 Years of Wondering

In about a month, I will be finishing up my 25th year of teaching.  My husband talks about retirement, but I honestly can't envision that.  I love what I do. It hasn't always been a joy, but I am so glad that I persevered when met with obstacles that tried to derail me.  I will be the first to admit that I wasn't always the best teacher and mistakes that I made along the way sometimes pop into my head. I sometimes wish that the teacher I am now could go back and help the teacher that I was 25 years ago.  
I wish I had kept track of the number of students that I have seen come and go from my classroom over the years.  I would guess that there have been about 2500 of them.  The problem with being a teacher is that more often than not, at the end of the year, when seniors graduate, students move, or if you're in a large school, it's difficult to keep contact with students that were in your class, you are left wondering what happened to them.  I am wondering today.  
I wonder what happened to Jennifer.  In a school of over 1,800 students, she ended up in 3 of my classes one semester.  We got to know each other pretty well that year.  I remember her telling me that she had broken up with her boyfriend.  He was abusive to her, but they had a child together so cutting the ties was very difficult.  He had threatened to have her killed.  I also remember the days when she would come in to class and not make eye contact with me.  I knew that she had gone back to him and didn't want to tell me.  I think about the students that went home every day to situations that were horrific. I remember wishing that I could scoop them up and take them home so I could protect them.  Were they able to rise above?  I wonder about the student who aspired to be a fashion designer and kept me on my toes in sewing class with her ideas.  I wonder about the students who struggled with addictions. I wonder about the students who became parents.  Did I equip them to be successful?  I wonder about the students who fought me.  Do they look back now and understand that I was doing my best to help them find success in life?  I wonder about the students who seemed to find school easy for them.  Did they challenge themselves?  I wonder about the students who often blended in and sometimes fell through the cracks because they were seen as average.  Did they find a place in the world where they were valued for who they were and the uniqueness that unfortunately went unrecognized by many?
I have been blessed with phenomenal students this year, especially my seniors.  They may not all excel with their grades or always get their work turned in, but overall they have been wonderful to work with in the classroom and FCCLA.  I will miss them.  I thought of them this morning and my heart broke a little.  I know that they will graduate soon and venture into the world that is waiting for them.  Over the last few years, I have traveled with some of them and heard their hopes and dreams on those long trips and layovers in the airport.  The young man who wants to use his story to touch others through ministry and motivational speaking.  The young lady who is excited about attending a culinary arts academy to become a chef.  The FCCLA members who I have seen grow in their confidence and leadership. The list could on and on.  
Every once in awhile, I am fortunate and a student from days gone by will pop back into my life. A student that I shared a classroom with 25 years ago and 500 miles away will recognize me in a parking lot and we will be able to reconnect.  A student will find me on Facebook and I will get the joy of seeing that they not only survived, but are thriving.  A student may come to school and drop by my classroom when they are back in town, just to say "hi".  If I'm honest, I may not always remember the name, but each one of them is in my heart.
Today I am wondering.  I am wondering what happened to all those kids that wandered through my doors, never by chance or random scheduling, but because one or both of us had something to learn and offer each other.  I am wondering what the future holds for the ones that wander through my doors for just a few more weeks, whether it's to be in class or to choose from the basket of lotions that I keep on my desk just for them, knowing that sometimes it's not about the lotion, but about touching base with someone they know truly cares about them.  I wonder who God will put in my classroom next year and I am excited!!!  Whether you were one of the thousands that were already there or the many that I hope are to come, know that I love you, I care about you, I pray for you.

A Praying Waiter

I had a dream last night.  In this dream, I was going to a restaurant.  After being seated at the table, the waiter came over and did something that I wasn’t expecting.  He started praying.  It appeared that this was standard procedure in this restaurant.  He started the prayer with, “Thank you, God, for allowing me to be a server in your service.”  The rest of the prayer included asking God to bless us and our food.  He ended the prayer with, “If it’s okay with you, God, I’d like a little more time.”

I woke up thinking about the dream and the message it contained.  I believe that God was reminding me (and now you) of a couple of things.  I am a teacher.  I am employed by a school district, but I don’t work for them.  Colossians 3:23 says, Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.  I work for the Lord.  I am a teacher in His Service.  No matter what you do with your time, it should be as working for the Lord.  You may be a secretary, a pipeliner, a student, a grocery store clerk, a pastor, a stay-at-home mom, a barista, a contractor, a salesman…the list could go on forever.  Whatever it is that defines your daily activity, you are to be in service to the Lord.  You are a secretary in His service.  You are a pipeliner in His service.  You are a student in His service.  You are grocery store clerk in His service.  You are a pastor in His service.  You are a stay-at-home mom in His service.  You are a barista in His service.  You are a contractor in His service.  You are a salesman in His service. 

I am a teacher in His service.  I love my job and look forward to being with my students every day.  The thought of not getting to teach anymore makes me sad, but I know there will come a time when I will need to retire and hand the reins over to a new generation.  For now, I will do what I can to prepare young people for the next stage of their life.  There is still so much to do, so much to learn along the journey, and so many joys to experience.  It’s vital that I don’t waste the precious time that God has given me to live in His service.

I am thankful for the ways that God speaks to me….this time through a dream.  I am thankful that I can be a teacher in His service.  And if it’s ok with Him, I hope He gives me a little more time.

I'm Not Sorry

I find myself apologizing lately, but I don't know why. Maybe it's my desire to avoid conflict. It just becomes easier to apologize. Well, that needs to change. So here is a list of things that I am not sorry for.
1. I am not sorry that I have a relationship with God. I am not sorry that this relationship shapes my thoughts, actions, and how I interact with others. I am sorry for those times that I don't live up to what He expects of me. Fortunately, God is gracious and merciful to me and forgives.
2. I am not sorry for how I was raised. I grew up in a two-parent household where divorce was never considered an option. My parents created an environment of support. We had discipline and boundaries which were expresed without a raised voice or hand. It wasn't perfect. Every family has its own struggles, but I knew and still know that I have a soft place to fall. It is the kind of environment that I endeavor to create in my home. I fail at times, but it is my goal for anyone in my home to leave being better equipped to face the world. This doesn't make my upbringing better or worse than anyone else's. It is my history and I'm entitled to be thankful for it.
3. I am not sorry that I have my own values and opinions. I choose to not always share them. It's not my job to convince everyone that I'm right. I would rather have people see how those things cause me to show compassion and love rather than beat people over the head trying to get them to profess that my way of thinking is the only right way.
4. I'm not sorry for being educated. I worked very hard to earn the education that I have. That work has enabled me to have a career that I am passionate about. My choice to go this route was just that...my choice. I shouldn't have to downplay my success just because someone else made other choices...ones that were right for them.
5. I am not sorry that I chose early in my life to abstain from activities that could be harmful to my health and well-being. I've never knowingly consumed alcohol, used tobacco products,or used recreational drugs. I saw that those things would interfere with the life that I wanted and wanted no part of them. The wisdom of that decision has been reenforced many times throughout the years and I am thankful.
I guess to sum it up, I'm thankful for the life I have. I have been far from perfect and things in my life have brought me to my knees before God. That's where I belong anyway. That's where I find peace from the chaos that can surround me at times and shelter from attacks. It lets me be an extension of God to those who cross my path. No apologies. 

Only.....

“Only a boy named David.  Only a little sling.  Only a boy named David, but he could pray and sing.”  Only….I don’t like that word.  There’s a certain sense of defeat or condescension that comes with that word.  It’s almost like we are making excuses for not attempting great things.  I’m only a mom.  I’m only a teacher.  I’m only a ______.  I can’t accomplish anything.   Great things are accomplished by people who are ___________.  Just imagine what you could do if you didn’t believe in the word, “only”. 

I recently celebrated graduation with the seniors at my high school.  Every year, I choose a senior who I know may have trouble paying their fees. If the fees aren’t paid, the student isn’t able to participate in graduation exercises.  This year the recipient was called into the office, told his fees were paid and handed a cap and gown.  He asked the question, “why would someone do this for me?”  He was told it was because someone cared and wanted him to be able to celebrate his accomplishments.  I saw that student at graduation.  He didn’t know that it was me who helped him out.  The smile on his face was unforgettable.  I am so glad that I followed God’s leading with this tradition.  He will leave high school knowing that someone believed in him and cared for him.  I’m just a teacher trying to prepare kids for life.  I’m not core academics.  I’m not a coach.  Sometimes, my curriculum is viewed as blow-off classes or easy A’s. (until the second week anyway)  Beyond the sometimes seemingly insignificant things that I do in my day, God is using me to reach the hearts of kids who just need someone to care.  What I do matters because God has asked me to do it.  God takes away the word, “only”, and turns it into something amazing for His glory.

A Gift

I remember that it was a very cold day…..January 29, 2008.  My kids and I checked out of the hotel and got in our cars.  We were going home, but not quite yet.  We had to first go to the hospital.  A few days earlier, the surgeon who had been a glimmer of hope for us stood in the room and with tears in his eyes, told us that there would be no more surgeries.  If strength was regained, we could try chemo again, but the reality of the situation was that outside of God intervening, his address was soon going to change to a heavenly mansion.  I went to the room where I had spent many hours and saw him lying there.  My love, my friend, my partner.  He smiled when he saw me and his eyes twinkled the way that they always would.  Then his smile faded a little bit and he told me to have the kids stay in the hall.  He told me to close the door because he had something to tell me.  My mind raced as I wondered what this could be about.  He took my hands and looked into my eyes.  He said, “I want you to get married again.  I think I was just practice so you would know it was ok to love someone and not get hurt.”  Here was this man facing the end of his time on earth and he wanted to make sure I would be ok.  To some it may seem like an awkward conversation, but it was very natural…it was us trying our best to take care of each other as long as we could.  I remember telling him that I wasn’t done loving him yet.  We went home that day and on February 3^rd, 2008, he went to his heavenly home.

Here I am six years later.  For so long, I didn’t think I would ever find love again.  Then it happened.  This guy entered my life and swept my heart away.  What I thought was impossible to feel again is alive and well.  God has blessed me with someone who does his best to understand me….not an easy task, someone who supports me, someone who prays for me daily, someone who worships with me, someone who loves me and cherishes me more than I could ever imagine.  This man who I love and support…this man who makes my toes curl….this man who I can walk this life with.  I am so incredibly blessed to love and be loved by this man…..my husband…..my hero.

I received a wonderful gift that day in the hospital.  The man that I loved gave me permission to love someone else and blessed my future.  I hope that he can somehow know how grateful I am to him for the love that we shared, for the impact that he made on who I am today, and for showing me the kind of love that I deserved in my life.  I hope my husband can enjoy that gift for many years.

Do What Makes You Happy

Let’s get this out of the way right now……TAURUS FECES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Everywhere I look, there are pretty little signs that say “Do what makes you happy”.  When seeking wise counsel about a decision that needs to be made, people are told, “Do what makes you happy”.  The mindset is that it doesn’t matter what the Bible says or what you know in your heart to be right or wrong as long as you are momentarily happy, God will smile upon everything you do.  Again, I say TAURUS FECES!!  If there is a place in the Bible that tells us to do whatever makes us happy, I sure would like to see it.  God never says that the way to happiness is to do whatever you want.  He addresses many behaviors and attitudes that can cause problems if we don’t follow what he says to do.  You see, God can look past our present behavior and see the train wreck that sin will cause in our lives.  He wants to protect us. We aren’t that bright sometimes and we still choose to do whatever we want for the momentary happiness and then we blame God when our lives are a mess. 

In one of my classes, we are talking about goal setting and how you need to look at the trade-off (what will you have to give up to achieve your goal).  In the practical sense, in order for a person to reach a goal of purchasing an item, they may have to give up that extra coffee drink, trip to the movies, or new pair of shoes to have the money to reach their goal.  What is the trade-off for being “happy”?  If you have to give up your values, your integrity, your reputation, your relationships, your walk with God, to achieve happiness, can you truly say that you are happy?  If you’re really honest with yourself, you would have to admit that “happiness” isn’t worth the trade-off, especially when that brand of happiness is cheap and temporary.  It’s like settling for moldy bologna when there’s filet mignon available.

I know that this will offend those who have bought into the “do whatever makes you happy” lie and that’s ok.  I’ve learned that those who so adamantly oppose the concept that there are things that God says are right and things that God says are wrong already know the truth and have made conscious choices to ignore it and need to somehow justify it.  They are so busy chasing temporary happiness that they have forgotten what can bring them lasting joy. 

As you can probably guess, I’m not the person that you should come to for advice if all you want is someone to tell you to do whatever makes you happy.  I’m more likely to tell you to do whatever makes you holy.  That’s the only way that I can assure that you can experience true joy…..and that beats out cheap happiness every time.

I'm Such a Loser

Maybe it’s because the stress of trying to keep up with everything at school has gotten to me.  Maybe it’s the sleepless nights that are plaguing me.  Maybe it’s because it’s the time of the year that reminds me of painful events in my past.  Maybe it’s because my husband is gone for a month and I miss him terribly.  Whatever it is, I find myself watching Biggest Loser and trying to hold back tears.  It’s makeover week and when I hear some of the comments that they make, I can hear my voice saying the same things.  A little over a year ago, I was 109 pounds heavier.  I struggled to fit in movie theater and airplane seats.  I went straight to the sales rack in clothing stores because I didn’t feel I was worth paying full price.  I often finished shopping trips in tears because I was so frustrated and depressed.  Now here I am.  I’ve gone from size 22/24 to size 8.  The problem is that I still see that fat girl when I look in the mirror.  I hold up a piece of clothing and my brain still says I can’t fit into it. Even when I put it on and it looks pretty good, I still can’t wrap my mind around it.  I’m not done yet.  I have about 25 pounds to go.  I find myself at a standstill….partly because of my own choices and partly because it’s just how the game goes.  I will break through and reach my goal…..eventually …and eventually my mind will catch up with reality and maybe I’ll come to see myself through different eyes.

The Bible in 2 Corinthians 5:717 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”  Unfortunately, we fail to recognize that and we get stuck in a place of believing that we are still the person that we were before Christ.  We hold up the mirror of our life and see failures, disappointments, and hurts.  The head knows that we have been made new, but the heart hasn’t gotten the message.  Then something happens.  Christ comes along side us and we are able to look at that reflection with Him in it and we see the truth of the situation.  We really do look good….we have been redeemed…we are loved and valued.

A letter to the mother of my soon to be step-children

As my wedding approaches, I contemplate the reality that with my vows to my husband, I am also giving a piece of my heart to his children.  When I first stepped into this role in 1998, the circumstances were very different.  I didn’t have the opportunity to share these thoughts with my children’s mother because she had passed away.  As I parented, I always hoped that I was being the kind of mom that she would have been and that she would have approved.  This time, I have the opportunity to share my thoughts.  My hope is that this will serve as a way to dispel fears and creates an environment that fosters growth in the children that will help them become the best version of who they can be.

To the mother of my step-children,

First, I must tell you that you have amazing children.  There are so many positive things that I see in them and feel completely blessed that I get to be a part of their lives.  I know things won’t always be easy, but I do know that every ounce of effort put into them will be worth it.  As I enter this role, there are some things that I want to tell you.

1.       I will be their stepmother.  What exactly that looks like will evolve over time, but you can be assured that whatever stage we may be in, your child will have me as another adult in their life who loves them, cares for them, and is committed to helping them grow into adulthood.  No child can have too many of those kinds of people in their life.

2.       Your children will never hear me be disrespectful to or about you.  I will maintain a healthy relationship with you and will model that for them as best that I can.  I do not expect us to be friends, but I will do my part to create a situation where the children won’t feel nervous about us interacting.

3.       I understand that the history that you have with my husband has pain for both of you.  My hope is that you will both experience forgiving and being forgiven.  Because it is the healthiest for the children, I will encourage my husband to have cordial interactions with you.  Believe it or not, there have been and I’m sure will continue to be times that I have asked him to view things from your perspective and rethink his responses.  The children being able to see you cooperate with each other in their best interest will enable them to grow and flourish.  I expect him to be transparent with me in his dealings with you as I will be transparent with him. 

4.       I will treat your children with respect.  I will not yell at them, belittle them, or use words that would cause them to question their worth.  I will encourage them in their strengths, challenge them in their weaknesses, and embolden them in their insecurities.  I will help them to develop confidence to reach their goals and be a soft place for them to fall when their world is cruel.

I hope and pray that as we all co-parent these children, they will find security in the adults in their life and can look to us as examples of cooperation and maturity in the midst of less than perfect circumstances.  They are worth the effort that will take.

Brenda

The Easy Way Out...or Is It?

I received an email today from a colleague.  In this email, she was lamenting the fact that students in her class were using a website to cheat on homework assignments.  The answers that they were giving had odd things that were never covered in class.  There were other clues that students got the answers other than working through the problem on their own. 

One of the problems that has arisen from this situation is that the students aren’t performing well on tests.  Parents are questioning how their children can be doing so well on homework, but can’t transfer that knowledge to a test.  It would also appear that as students are made aware of the websites by other students, the problem is escalating.  This got me thinking, both in the educational, spiritual, and relational realms.

As an educator, I have always been frustrated by testing.  While I understand the need to assess how a student is comprehending the material, I don’t feel that written tests are necessarily the most accurate way to do this.  My daughter had test anxiety when she was in school. We could over the material and she would know it, be able to explain it, and apply it, but when it came to a written test, she would freeze.  She said it was like all the information flew out of her head.  Assessing her understanding based on the test was a great disservice to her and many students like her.  In addition to tests given in class, students are given standardized tests.  These are my least favorite.  Judging a student, a teacher, and a school based on a test score is, in my opinion, ridiculous.  Maybe it’s because of what and how I teach, but I am much more interested in what a student can do rather than what they can regurgitate on a test.  I explain it this way.  I would rather have a surgeon that can apply what they have learned in medical school than one who can just give the right answers. If a student can’t leave my class and use the information, they haven’t learned it, regardless of what they can write on a piece of paper.  Unfortunately, the educational mindset that many people have is based on scores and grades instead of learning.  The parents in the situation are concerned about grades more than they are concerned about the learning.  I can’t begin to count the times that a parent, administrator, or colleague have asked the question, “What does the student need to do to get the grade?”.  I want to answer with, “I’m more concerned with what they need to do to learn the concepts.”  If we are concerned with that, the grades will follow.  But, we continue to believe that the end result should be a letter grade or score rather than application of the concept in life.

In the spiritual realm, cheating has consequences also.  We sometimes forget that the Christian walk isn’t just about getting to heaven, but about what we do before we get there.  We sometimes like to take the easy way out.  How many times do I need to go to church in order to be ok with God?  How many verses do I need to read a day do be ok with God?  What is the minimum that I can do and still get the benefits of eternal life?   Just like cheating on the homework assignments rob students of the benefits of knowing and being able to use the concepts, not doing the work as a Christian robs us of the blessing that God wants for us in this life.

In our relationships, cheating obviously does not work.  When one person chooses to stop doing the work that is needed to make a relationship vital and goes outside of the relationship, the hurt that results cannot be measured. The immediate gratification may be appealing, but in the long run, there will only be heartache.  Not only does it hurt the partner, but is devastating to children as they have to experience the tribulation of having to defend the actions of the cheating parent and knowing that those actions have forever changed their lives.  Children are forced to deal with adult issues, which is completely unfair.

Cheating may seem like the easy way out, but whether it’s homework, your Christian walk, or your relationships, you will never get the end result that you desire….unless you are hoping for ignorance, spiritual mediocrity, and heartache for yourself and those that you claim to love. Then you’re right on track. 

In the battle of "us against them", who are the real losers?

There’s an infection going around my workplace.  It’s not the typical cold that starts appearing and spreading at this point of the year.  It’s not a flu that results in people not being able to do their job.  It’s an attitude….an “us against them” attitude.  Unfortunately, in this battle, it ultimately is not the combatants that win or lose, it’s people who don’t have a dog in the fight. A good rule to follow is that you don’t make children deal with adult issues, but that is exactly what is happening.  Children are being used as pawns in a fight that is taking place between adults.  They are caught in the middle.  Over the past couple of weeks, some of the teachers in our district have chosen to make a statement by strictly adhering to contractual hours.  This means that they stand outside of the building until five minute before the first bell and leave twenty minutes after the last bell rings.  That is certainly their right and I can understand where they are coming from.  In addition, information has been given to students that is incomplete and they are being encouraged to voice their opinions based on those “facts”.  In the past week, I have watched as a student asked a teacher for help, but was told “I won’t help you until my contract time starts.”  I heard a student’s frustration through tears as they told me that they needed help on an assignment, but was refused because she approached the teacher before five minutes before the bell.  I sat with a student as they were given a clearer picture of the adult situation and saw the look in their eyes as they realized that they had been used and reevaluated their involvement in the situation. Had they not been given the clearer picture, it could have very negatively impacted their future leadership roles. 

So here I am…..watching people pick sides. I’m disappointed that it has been reduced to personal attacks against those they consider the enemy and making children the real losers in the battle.  

Where do I put a Bible app?

I like my phone.  I like that it lets me communicate with people.  I like that I can listen to books and music with it.  I like that I can play games, watch movies, access the internet, track my weight loss and work with documents.  I like apps…..too many apps.  Every once in awhile, I feel the need to organize my apps.  So far, I have twelve folders set up for my apps.  There are folders for books, connections, education, health, food, games, money, music, travel, utilities, visual, and productivity.  Herein lies my dilemma.  I have the YouVersion app.  If you’re not familiar with it, the app allows you to access several versions of the Bible, look at sermon notes from participating churches, read daily devotions, etc.  It’s an awesome app, but where do I put it in my organization? It’s more than just a book, so it doesn’t fit in that folder.  It does help me connect with God and other Christians, but I don’t think it quite fits with the purpose of that folder.  The Bible definitely is definitely essential on educating me in the ways of God, but that folder is more for things that I use in my classroom.  Without God, my health in every area of my life isn’t what it should be, but the apps in that folder are the ones that I use to stay on track with my weight loss.  It used to have the label “fat”, but I decided I needed a more positive approach to the situation.  The Bible is food for my spiritual life, but probably doesn’t fit with my apps for grocery lists and recipes.  The Christian walk is no game so that folder is out.  God requires good stewardship and should be the first consideration when deciding how I manage my money, but YouVersion doesn’t really fit in the money folder.  There are books in the Bible that are considered musical, but not really what I was thinking when I created that folder.  How about travel?  The Bible should guide every step that I take, but putting it with Mapquest and Googlemaps is probably a stretch.  The utilities folder is for those things that I use on occasion when I need them, but don’t they don’t really affect my life very much so that won’t work.  The Bible helps me see what God wants for and from me, but visual in this case is for things that I want to look at.  Productivity……hmmm……The Bible definitely helps me be productive.  It is the core of enabling me to live the life that God intended for me.  It encourages me to do more, be more, and love more.  Yep, I do believe that my Bible belongs in the productivity folder.  

Preparations

I know that it's been awhile since my last blog.  All of my writing efforts have been going into finishing my masters.  Now that that is behind me, I am hoping to find myself here more.  So much has happened in the last several months that it is hard to know where to start.  God is blessing me in ways that I never could have imagined.  My gastric bypass was successful and as of today I have lost 83 pounds!!!  I feel so much better.  I was finally able to complete my master’s degree and just found out that my degree has officially posted.  I welcomed a new granddaughter on August 6th!!  I can't wait to meet the new princess.  The biggest change in my life is the blessing that God has given me in a man named Bunky.  Bunky and I started dating in March and quickly realized that we loved each other.  On July 13th, Bunky proposed and I said, "Yes"!!  We are planning to be married at the end of November in a small private ceremony.  So many blessings!!!

As Bunky and I have entered this journey, I have the opportunity to visit him in Minnesota a few times.  I live in the middle of the Bakken.  He lives about a mile out of town away from the road.  It's very quiet there and I can feel the tension leaving me as I enjoy the calm.  I like the place. The house has great woodwork and a character of its own.  It needs a woman's touch here and there, but it is definitely a place that I feel comfortable in.  Bunky has been making some improvements here and there.  He built a new deck and put in a door to the deck from the living room.  He replaced another door and changed the locks so the house would be secure from thieves when he can't be there. He painted the kitchen and invested in some new appliances.  He planted flowers and apple trees.  I asked him why he was doing all of this.  He told me that he was preparing the house for when it will be ours together.  I didn't ask him to do any of these projects, (ok maybe the fridge was my idea).  These are things that he wanted to do for us.  He did these things because he loves me and is looking forward to our future together.

John 14:2 says, "In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you."  Jesus loves us so much that he is preparing a place for us to be with him forever.  When I marvel at how much Bunky loves me and how he is preparing his place for me, I can't help but think that it is so small in comparison to how much Jesus loves me.  I am blessed beyond belief to have an example in my life of how much I am loved by Jesus.

Make Your Bed

I haven’t slept well this week.  Maybe it’s the start of the new semester.  Maybe it’s the outside noises.  Maybe it’s my fault.  I have to admit that I’m not very diligent about making my bed every day.  I can usually manage to clean things up, but the bed doesn’t get made.  When I think about it, how long would it really take?  A couple of minutes?  Still, as soon as I get up in the morning, I’m working toward getting out of the house and to work as quickly as possible.  As a general rule, I take care of the housework when I get home from work.  This week, however, there were some others things that stole my attention.  As a result, my house, especially my bedroom was in a state of mild chaos.  This affected my productivity at home and how well I was sleeping.  By the end of the week, I was exhausted.  Saturday, I spent a considerable part of the day cleaning the house and doing laundry.  I went to bed that night tired, but calm.  When I woke up in the morning, I noticed that I had not only slept really well, but felt rested.  The covers had hardly moved.

Distractions and chaos threaten to steal things in other parts of our lives also.  Just as the small act of not making my bed, meant less restful sleep, small acts of disobedience means less rest in God.  This doesn’t necessarily mean sin.  It could be not listening to what God is prompting us to do.  It could be rushing to do the things that God wants us to do and forgetting to take of the little things in our own hearts that need attention.  We need to examine our lives for those things that might be robbing us of our rest in God and then take time to concentrate on making our relationship with Him a priority.  And trust me, this isn’t something that should be left for the end of the week.  Daily attention to the little things that result in rest keeps them from being the big things that rob us of who we can be in God.

Five in Fridays

1  I’m excited about second semester starting next week.  I continue to change and try new things in the classroom.  This year, I have the added challenge of planning to be gone for a couple of weeks when I have surgery.  It’s coming together, and I am confident that the students will be okay without me.

2  I’ve been trying out different protein drinks to get ready for surgery.  Some of them aren’t too bad, but others taste like feet.

3  Music is incredibly powerful.   Whether it’s a song that brings back smiles or a song that reminds me of pain, music defines those moments in my life when God has blessed me and been my strength.

4  Sometimes it takes drastic measures to accomplish a goal, but unless I am willing to take those steps, I won’t be successful. 

5  Sometimes it’s not so much the person that I miss as much as it is the experiences that the person represents.  I must constantly be aware that people change and move on and often that is the best gift that they can give me.

What I Learned in 2012

1   1.   Letting go is a continual process.

2.  Prayer works.

3.  I really love my job, my students, and the people I get to work with.

4.  It takes courage to make big changes

5.  As much as I hate it, sometimes I have to ask for help.

6.  I am becoming more and more accepting of the fact that most likely I will never be in a relationship that is more than a friendship.

7.  People surprise me.

8.  It’s not smart to teach 5 cooking classes and plan for gastric bypass surgery at the same time.

9.  Kids and grandkids are pretty awesome.

10.  The biggest thing that I learned this year was also the hardest and caused the most change.  I learned that I am “selfish, self-centered, and only think of myself.” (I think “self-centered” and “think only of myself” are basically the same thing, but I wanted to keep the integrity of the direct quote)  These words came directly to me from more than one source so I can’t argue that I didn’t understand.  The thing is that those words have altered my perception of myself, dictated my enjoyment and participation in family events, changed how and if I should celebrate and share accomplishments in my career, determined when and if I use my phone and computer, made me question health decisions and if I should share about those health decisions, and caused me to wonder if those two people were the only ones brave enough to tell me what everyone else is thinking.  All I can do is continue to question and do my best to fade into the background.  I suppose that even writing a blog could be seen as selfish and self-centered, but I see it this way.  Those that have determined me to be selfish and self-centered have already made up their mind about who I am and probably don’t read it anyway.  Maybe there’s someone out there who can look past who I am and find something useful in what I write. 

Have a wonderful and blessed 2013!!  

A New Journey-Part 2

With the new year approaching, I am looking forward to new beginnings.  As I shared in a previous blog, I will be having gastric bypass surgery on February 13^th.  There are some things that have to happen prior to surgery.  My liver needs to be healthy.  To accomplish this, I am required to go on a strict diet for the 2 weeks prior to surgery.  I will have 2 protein shakes (15-25 grams of protein, less than 7 grams of carbohydrates) and one meal of 4-6 ounces of protein and 1 cup of vegetables.  This should result in a loss of about 15 pounds. Finding protein shakes that meet the requirements and are palatable is somewhat challenging so I ventured out to Walmart today and bought each kind that they had that met the requirements.  I also ordered some protein broths to try out.  Over the next few weeks, I will test them out and hopefully find something that I like.  When the time comes for me to “have” to use the shakes, I should be prepared.

Another step that I took was to try to create a fail-proof environment.  After having 17 people living in the house over Christmas, there was quite a bit of food that was not weight-loss friendly.  I didn’t want it all to just go to waste, so my daughter-in-law Dani went through the cupboards, fridge, and freezer and took everything that I wasn’t supposed to eat.  There wasn’t much food left in the house, but I won’t be tempted to eat something I shouldn’t.  I also packed up my cookbook collection. There’s no sense in having them here tempting me to cook things that will interfere with me reaching my goal. 

My last step for this weekend was buying ingredients to make a couple of the recipes from the cookbook that Corey and Raissa gave me for Christmas.  It is written specifically for success after weight loss surgery.  Tomorrow I plan to prepare and puree the recipes, freeze them in ice cube trays, then store them in Ziploc bags so I have some ready meals when the time comes. 

This may seem like some drastic measures and I know that not everyone would need to do this much prep work to be successful, but I know the hard work now will pay off later.

This isn’t the end.  If you’ve read any of my blogs, you know that I try to find a lesson in everything.  When I was creating my fail-proof environment, I thought about how we need to make our spiritual environment fail-proof.  If you know that there are areas in your life that cause you to be tempted to sin, you need to do the work to remove those things when possible and have a game plan in place for when temptation arises.  Just as having food in the house that isn’t consistent with my successful weight loss, having things in my life that I know will cause me to sin doesn’t make any sense either.  Is it easy?  No.  Is it worth it?  Absolutely!!!

Five on Friday...a little late

My five on Friday post is a couple of days late.  I’ve been busy getting things ready for the kids and grandkids to come home this week.  In addition, my mind has been trying to process recent events in this country.  Sometimes, I feel so inadequate in trying to put my thoughts and feelings into words, but I’ll try.

1.       My heart breaks for the families affected by the shooting in Connecticut.  I can’t begin to imagine the fear, grief, anger, disbelief, and anguish that is happening. 

2.       This morning, I sat in church and looked at the empty seats around me.  I can’t wait for next Sunday, when those seats will be filled with my children and grandchildren.

3.       Why is it so easy to believe and hang on to the things that people say about me that are hurtful and mean, but so difficult to accept that someone is being honest when they see beauty in me?  There are areas of my life that I live with confidence, but two conversations about things I have done wrong seem to constantly overshadow anything I do right.  I hate that.

4.       My plans for second semester are coming together.  I will miss at least 12 days of school for surgery.  I’m trying to find ways to continue to teach even though I can’t be in class.

5.       Sometimes God needs us to get out of the way so He can move.

God Answers Prayers

God always answers prayers. Maybe not the way that we expect or understand, but He always answers.  Recently, I was faced with a situation where I really wanted God to answer with a resounding, “Yes”, but He said, “No”.  I argued with Him, but He was pretty insistent.   Generally, my inclination is to analyze situations, complete with bullets and sub-points.  I have been trying to not analyze as much and instead trust God’s leading.  In this situation, I asked for that guidance and He came through with a red light.  I really don’t understand it, but have a peace about it.  God has been asking me, “How much do you trust me to provide what you need and answer your prayers in a way that you can’t begin to imagine?”  Hmmmm…good point.  Yeah, God always answers prayers. Sometimes, He says, “Yes”.  Sometimes, He says, “No”.  Sometimes, He says, “Just wait.  I have something better planned”. 

Five on Fridays

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.  It won’t be long until the kids and grandkids start coming home.  I can’t wait to see them.  There will 17 of us staying here when we are at our peak.  I am thankful that Justin married someone local.  I’m not sure where I would put more adults.  I firmly believe that God has a sense of humor.  Who else would orchestrate placing a woman with crowd anxiety in a family like this?

I really like my job.  This week, my students made beef kabobs.  I love the looks on their faces when they taste something that they made and I know that they think it tastes awesome.

My niece and her family have been here for a few days.  It was great to see the little girl that I once knew, all grown up into a wonderful woman.

I discovered an iphone app called Paprika.  With this, I can import a recipe that I find online into a consistent recipe format.  I think I’m going to like it.

I fell asleep in the bathtub earlier tonight.  I love that feeling.